Domestic Violence and Divorce laws : A brief study on difference between the UK and India

Marriage & Divorce

Domestic Abuse laws and their Enforcement in the UK: Lessons for the Indian Society in the context of Domestic Violence (DV) laws misuse in India

Factual summary

  1. Domestic Violence (DV) in the UK is defined as, “​a​ny incident of threatening behaviour, violence or abuse (psychological, physical, sexual, financial or emotional) between adults who are or have been intimate partners or family members, regardless of gender or sexuality”.
  2. The definition is wide covering all forms of abuse, and victims of abuse are identified as both men and women as well as those in the same sex relationships.

Criminal Procedures

  1. Physical violence between partners in relationships is prosecuted as per the common law. Therefore, any cases of alleged assault or abuse would be reported to the police. While DV cases are handled by the specially trained officers within each police force, other procedures are no different from other instances of such crime.
  2. Sexual violence too is dealt with as common law crime. The exemption for marital rape was abolished in 1991.
  3. A police complaint of any incident of domestic abuse is investigated promptly. It is common for the police to arrest the alleged defendant within 24 hours. Any police arrest in Europe is governed by Article 5 (Right to Liberty) of the European Convention of the Human Rights (ECHR). The police cannot keep anyone in custody for longer than 36 hours. The investigating officer would obtain details of the detainee including finger print marks, etc and conduct a taped interview. The defendant has Miranda rights, and right of a solicitor during the taped interview. The investigation team would prepare a report that is put before Crime Prosecution Service (CPS), who would then make a decision whether or not to charge within the 36 hours time limit. In UK, there is no concept of the victim choosing under which law does she wish to file a complaint under. The victim narrates the alleged offence, and it is the police/CPS who decide what to charge the defendant for.
  4. CPS will charge a defendant if they have “​reliable and credible evidence enough to produce a realistic prospect of conviction in the court”. I​f the defendant is charged, in most DV cases, other than say homicide or serious grievous bodily harm, the defendant would be released on bail until the court trial. In case the defendant is not charged, which implies that the police does not have the required evidence, then the police would either discontinue the investigation declaring no further action, or ask for more time to conclude the investigation and build a case, in which the defendant would again be released on bail until the investigation is complete. The investigation is usually always completed within 2-3 months.
  5. Both the pre-charging and post-charging bail conditions would almost always include a restraining order, disallowing any physical contact or any direct or indirect communication by whatsoever means, between the victim and the defendant. There is usually no monetary bail deposit or any impounding of property unless there is a clear evidence of risk of flight.

Discussion in context of Indian laws and their enforcement

  1. “Domestic” element not special: While there is social and political hysteria around domestic abuse, however other than a few practice guidelines for the police, there are no separate laws, very different from similar violence say between the strangers. So for example if your wife has slapped you, then she will be prosecuted in the same way as if your wife had slapped a stranger in a bus, ie for common assault, or if she has broken a glass bottle on your head, then she will be prosecuted for Grievous Body Harm (GBH) in the same way if she had broken a glass bottle on head of her colleague in the office, and so on. There are no separate laws or separate penalties for any conduct within the relationship, different from such conduct outside of relationship. Basically, it is a common sense law.
  2. Gender Neutrality: The laws are gender neutral. In terms of police statistics, while there are more alleged female than male victims, the ratio is 65:35. It is widely recognised that male victims are less forthcoming in filing a complaint and therefore 65:35 ratio may not reflect the reality of such crime that is expected to be 50:50. [This is in complete contrast to India where male DV victims have little to no provision of any relief. The female to male ratio of police complaints is likely to be worse than 99:1]
  3. Non-corrupt enforcement agency: The police conducts a prompt and fair investigation. Therefore while a defendant still may feel abused for being wrongly arrested in false case, it is made clear that the purpose of the arrest is genuine fact finding by the police (and later by the courts, if charged) rather than a tool of harassment. In 25% of all DV complaints, the police takes no action at all, i.e does not even arrest the defendant. They may contact the defendant and ask him a few questions in such cases and then decide to take no further action. In 57% of the DV complaints, the defendant is arrested and then released without charge or with a verbal warning by the police. Only 18% of all DV complaints lead to a charging decision. Therefore, in 82% of all complaints, the police and CPS actually refuse to take the matter to the Court for trial. While the final conviction rate in the UK of around 10% is actually more than the 2% conviction rate in India, the harassment suffered in the UK for false cases is far, far lower.
  4. Custody time limits: As explained above, it is rare for anyone to be in police custody for longer than 36 hours, even if the CPS makes a charging decision until the trial. There is no concept of languishing in jails for months and years as in India.
  1. Non-involvement of family members: There is no provision of family members being arrested unless there is clear evidence of abetting serious crime that includes homicide or grievous bodily harm.
  2. Restraining orders as part of bail conditions: The alleged victim or his/her family are not allowed to have any contact or communication whatsoever, even indirectly through a third person, with the alleged perpetrator. Unlike India, there is no concept of “mediation” in a criminal matter. This provision entirely takes away any scope of extortion through filing of false cases.
  3. There is provision of prosecution of false cases in the UK as Perverting the Course of Justice. However the threshold of such prosecution in the case of rape and DV is kept very high to encourage the genuine victims of such crimes to come forward without fear of prosecution if they are not believed. Therefore it is rare for CPS to charge false complaints. However if the police investigation leads to conclusion of clear false complaint, the complainant is given a verbal or written caution by the police for wasting the police time.

Why are false cases filed in the UK then?

  1. For young, unmarried partners: As a short term harassment tactic, which is no different from false complaint of any common law crime.
  2. For married or long term cohabit partners: Abuse the restraining order element of the bail conditions to bolster the claim over matrimonial home and child custody matters in any subsequent civil proceedings between the parties.

Discussion of differences in social-legal structures between the UK and India

  1. Significant hurdles to obtain divorce on a so-called no fault basis in India: In UK, Divorce is filed in a civil county court under the Matrimonial Causes Act 1973. The financial settlement consisting of any lump sum upon separation, and spousal maintenance is decided as part of the civil proceedings by a single judge court. Child maintenance is covered under the Child Support Act 1991, and in summary implies that the non-resident parent pays 15% of their monthly income to the resident parent for one child, that goes up to 25% for two children. 

Editor’s Note: While Divorce can be a painful experience for both husband and wife, in India, Divorce leads to immense distress In India because first – the society does not understand the concept of parting ways if you are not happy with each other and second – the laws for divorce are so stressful and cumbersome (if it is not mutual) that you would rather spend life with a person who you do not like/suffering with rather than fighting a battle in the court to find peace. In my personal opinion, this is also a reason for many people not honouring their partners and the relationship because they look outside when they are not happy inside of a marriage.  While a divorce is painful for anyone, it is ‘dangerous’ to say the least for a man in India. A plethora of criminal, civil cases combined if you file for divorce where your entire family pays the price (of the husband), can take quite a toll on your life. The intent of this article is to draw a comparison between laws in UK vis a vis India. The article above is a personal study shared by an Indian man who is battling a divorce in UK and Indian Courts. The idea is – while we have brought several laws from west and other countries without looking at the judicial setup in India, we have absolutely forgotten that the laws over there do not inflict injustice on one gender in the name of justice to another gender…..

What is pertinent to note here in Indian context is also the fact that those NRIs (husbands) who face a broken marriage with an Indian partner, more often than not end up fighting several court battles in their own country (divorce and compensation) while also facing litigations in form of IPC 498A, Domestic Violence Act and several other cases in India.

TedxGatewayWomen and the unforgettable experience…..

It was sometime in beginning of April when I got a call from TedxGatewayWomen inviting me as a Speaker. I thought they had called me by mistake. I asked if they knew about my work and they said yes! Knowing how men and women who speak up for justice for men are treated around the world, particularly by women, my first reaction to this conference was a NO. To be honest, I did not know the organizers at all and was apprehensive that this might be a ploy by people who hate me for what I do and probably an opportunity for them to ridicule me publicly while I am speaking on a stage in order to dampen my spirits (Yes some famous women rights activists who hate me to the core, have indirectly communicated that I better stay in my limits) for mere fact that I speak for a gender that people do not want to hear about!

So, I asked the organizers again if they were sure of getting me on a platform as big as theirs. I wasn’t concerned about my content but I was concerned about their event and least that I wanted was an event of such a grand scale facing any difficulties because of me. I proposed if they would want to keep my name as a speaker hidden lest any of their other speakers opts out because of my participation (Something similar has happened to a known before.)

To my surprise they were surer than I was. I spoke to people who I look up to and truly admire and they asked me to go for it. That’s when a journey that I would cherish for life started.

The sessions with Coach Vikram….

The rehearsals with the TedxGatewayWomen team….

That reworking again and again and again on the language, postures, pauses…

That making everything sound and appear utmost professional….

The hard work, the pain and the sweat… (sometimes literally as it was HOT ;))

It wasn’t easy BUT….

The whole exercise of bringing down your entire knowledge to a sharing of just 10 minutes; The idea of enrolling the audience into what you are sharing; The idea of being the medium, the messenger and making the world feel what you feel ; The storytelling and making it the most powerful story in the world; The process of not being emotional but still letting everyone feel the emotions behind it; The never ending support; The absolutely brilliant conviction of everyone around me in me; Those pumping me up calling me a rock star every time I felt low; That sheer satisfaction whenever I completed within the time without missing anything; That care making sure I had everything I needed and did not have to worry an iota about anything…..

TedxGatewayWomen was mesmerising.

An experience for life! More than anything else a realization that every fine piece of work has hours and hours of practice behind it. And when you do that, outcome is for everyone to see.

My inhibitions, my apprehensions, my fears were all gone when I got a standing ovation for a topic that was completely away from standard lines and which is often misunderstood as anti-women. I had tears in my eyes when everyone stood up. It was an emotional moment. Talking in front of a 1000 people in itself is a daunting task, to get such an applaud – nothing short of a dream. I was moved when an old uncle came up to me and bowed his hands, an old aunty hugged me and cried inconsolably and said that she knows the pain. I was no one to them but they felt me as them. I was moved when people came and shared they want to do something about the situation. I felt great when people came to me and said they would encourage students to take up research work on this subject!

I was humbled that many people shared their own personal stories of pain with me which they had not shared with anyone. In fact most of the people I met in this journey had one own story of a friend/cousin/colleague suffering law abuse. They understood what I stand for and were so much in support that it overwhelmed me.

The radio Interview with Hrishi K on 94.3 RadioOne discussing stories of misuse of 498A was a great experience too. The response to the show was great on social media and in real – as the SIFONE helpline started getting calls immediately thereafter 🙂

I am happy that people are finding strength to speak up and I am making a difference whatever tiny little bit I can. TEDxGatewayWomen is an experience I would hold very dear to my heart – a lot because of the truly amazing people I met on this journey – a lot because of the honest souls who stood by me and a lot because I took one more step towards taking voice of those who are never discussed to many hearts once again!

Words are less to convey my gratitude to the entire team – Vikram (my rock star coach), Yashraj, Sneha, Shruti, Meghna, Shivani, Akshara, Dhairya, Aagam, Prathmesh, Rajna, Sonam, every intern who helped me, every volunteer who took care of things I needed.

Thanks for asking me for those extra rehearsals. Thanks for working with me constantly and improving tiny little bits in the speech. Thanks for giving me a hug every time I felt unsure. Thanks for bringing a smile on my face with your smiles. Thanks for investing your faith and trust in me. Thanks for everything you did for me in those three days…All you people were just fantabulous! It would JUST NOT have been possible without you! You all contributed to who I was on the stage on….

May 29, 2015!

To all those who have been with me in this journey since the beginning till now – my heart says thanks to you always! You are Special and please know that even if I don’t tell you often 🙂

To God, To Brent Sir and To my Family……you make me who I am! Thanks !!!

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Ms Barkha Dutt , I did not come on your show for PUBLICITY

It all started on March 25, 2015 when I got a call from NDTV for a show they were planning to do on Marital Rape. The producer told me they would like to discuss the issue of false cases as well and hence asked for cases where people were falsely accused. I told the producer about case where a wife had filed a gang rape case on husband and his friend, later acquitted by court declaring the case as false. This was in Delhi. I also shared cases with the producer where husband’s male family members like his father and brothers were falsely accused of rape or molestation following a marital discord. This wasn’t because it was NDTV contacting me. It was because no one discusses this side of the story and hence are not interested in following these cases while I have plenty of them coming across every single day. So i share these stories with any media that ‘rarely’ gets interested in talking about misuse of laws. I participated in the show and no qualms in saying it was biased. I participated in the show because I wanted to present the side which is conveniently ignored.


Yesterday, I saw a video doing rounds on the internet, where Barkha Dutt, sitting with Leslee Udwin (Director of India’s Daughter) gives a befitting reply to a Journalist when she says how unsafe India is for Women. While people are patting her back for this response, I tweeted if she was now doing a damage control after spreading the rape hysteria. It certainly did not go down well with her and she ended up tweeting this :

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Well, in case you are reading this Barkha – my tweet was not only for you but for all media people who have spread the rape hysteria post December 16, 2012. To all those whose brilliant efforts have ensured that young boys of my country are now being denied internships because all Indian Men have been showcased as “rapists” the world over. I say you spread rape hysteria because the TV channels show India’s Daughter with great tenacity but do not talk about India’s Sons getting accused of false rape charges day in day out without any hearing. I say you spread rape hysteria because you report every rape case without going into the depth of the case and hold discussions but when the case falls flat in front of the court, is declared absolutely false and concocted, you refuse to bring it to the world (Thanks to print media, they at least report these cases.) I say you spread rape hysteria because you do not show news when men die because of false rape/dowry accusations but if a woman dies, entire Indian media huddles to report on it. I say you spread rape hysteria because when a demand of 5 crore is made in exchange for a false gang rape case right in the heart of Delhi, no one reports it or shows that video where demand is being made but whenever an accusation is made, it is splashed again and again on our screens.

I would have loved to reply to you on why I tweeted what I tweeted. But saying if I came on your show for publicity was sad. I wonder if you have spoken about causes you believe in your life to gain publicity. I wonder if people who come on your show are all expected to have certain view about “you” and not the “issue” being discussed. I do not have a problem with “you.” I have a problem with the fact that you completely ignore the other side. I have a problem with the fact that you take a person falsely accused of a crime for granted. That pain has no consideration for you unless it is perhaps a Gowda’s son who gets implicated in such a charge. By the way – you said one thing in the debate – A man should go for divorce if his wife is not having any conjugal relationship with him even after months of wedding. Let me tell you few things – 1. If a man does that, he gets implicated in a false dowry/violence case anyways 2. If panacea for every pain of a married man in a marriage should be divorce – why shouldn’t the same apply to women? Why bring Marital Rape? They can just go and file for Divorce no?

Anyways, responding to my tweet the way you responded was your choice. Reacting to it, the way I understand is mine.

Here’s a letter I have written to you and also Prannoy Roy. Thanks but no thanks for calling me on the show. I have my lessons 🙂 🙂


Dr. Prannoy Roy

Executive Co-Chairperson

NDTV Group

 Respected Sir,

Subject: I did not participate in your channels show “We The People” to get publicity

Hope you are doing well. I am writing to you with regards to my presence on one of the shows on your channel ‘We The People’ hosted by Barkha Dutt. The show was recorded on March 29, 2015 and topic of discussion was “Marital Rape.” I participated in the show in the capacity of a social activist and a filmmaker working on issue of misuse of women centric laws in India. Sir, I was ‘invited’ to be on the show by the producers of the show and did not beg anyone for an invitation. I thought that to be fair to every section of society, the channel is genuinely interested in looking at both sides of the story – the reason for my participation. Not only did I participate in the show but had frequent interaction with the producers, lending all my support in terms of research or providing contacts of people who are victims of false cases or anyone relevant to the issue. This is not the first time, I have extended all my help in research whenever I have got a call from producers of the channel for any show.


 I think any social activist working on ground on a cause would take an offence to such a remark and I am no different. Yesterday in a tweet, Barkha wrote to me “Hey just wondering why you agreed to come on the show hosted by me given your views of me? Or is all publicity good 🙂 ” The tweet was a response to my tweet “So apparently Barkha Dutt is trending for shutting up an Intl Journalist on VAW in India. First spread rape hysteria den damage control!”

 I am sure you are aware of the fact that an Indian Boy was refused internship by a German Professor citing “rape problem” in India and that she does not want to take any chances. I am not too sure if my tweet was at all in a bad taste given the recent events in the past where views of a person “convicted” of crime of rape was presented as that of average Indian Man and involvement of NDTV in India’s Daughter documentary episode. My tweet, yes was pointed to Barkha but was to every Indian media professional that has contributed to India attaining image of an “unsafe country for women,” without giving a hoot to the rising statistics of false rape cases, acknowledged by Indian courts. To the extent that a Judge commented “Delhi has attained title of rape capital of India because of false cases.”

I would have been happy to answer my views on ‘rape hysteria.’ I would have been happy to exchange notes with Barkha on why I tweeted what I tweeted. But, I did not expect this extremely derogatory tweet questioning if I participated in the show for publicity.

I would also like to ask you sir, do the panellists in your channels debates ‘need to have’ goodie good views of the anchor and if not, should not participate? Do you invite panellists on your debates thinking you are doing them a favour by giving them publicity? Do people participating in the shows on NDTV need to have views on the “issue being discussed” or the “anchor who is hosting the show?”

Anyways, I have been an admirer of NDTV and its work. As a student of Journalism, I have looked up to the journalists of this channel including Barkha Dutt. I am extremely disappointed today. And thus, I am sending back the cheque sent by your channel as an honorarium for my participation on the show. I thought my views contributed to the discussion. If the anchor or channel perceives it as a publicity stunt, I am afraid this honorarium does not make any sense to me and I refuse to accept it. If the channels deems fit, it can edit the online version of the show and upload it again because I certainly don’t want it to think it is giving me any ‘publicity.’ I shall be happy. Kindly acknowledge the receipt of this mail and the cheque.

I wish you and your channel great luck in all your endeavours. Congratulations for RedInk Lifetime Achievement Award.

Warm Regards,

Deepika Narayan Bhardwaj

 CC: Renee Chandola, Consultant – Chief Programme Coordinator, Barkha Dutt


PS: Regardless of this conflict, I heartily invite you to meet hundreds of people victimized due to false cases at Jantar Mantar on May 5, 2015. You said false cases are an exception, maybe this gathering would help you understand these exceptions a bit more as a norm…..

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We were a respectable family once, today we are known as ACCUSED No. 1/2/3 ….

“As elderly citizens do we deserve this? Do we have to spend all our retirement money and come to streets because of false accusations? We were a respectable family and continue to be so. But in the eyes of police and law we are accused number 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5.”

Here’s a painful story from an elderly father caught in the net of a false 498A. If you are reading this, imagine your father and mother who have held each other’s hand for years and years go through this excruciating pain because we need every woman of this country to be empowered by IDIOTIC laws while our senior citizens suffer because of those very laws!!! Imagine that you are told that you must bear this suffering because the woman at the end of your street has been genuinely tortured and thus this one false complaint should not bother you! Imagine being dragged to police stations every week for no fault of yours and the cop telling you – madam/sir crime against women is at an all time high so you need to SUFFER because you have a man in your family and he happens to be HUSBAND to a WIFE!

Read this mail from an old father, helpless for being father to a son and answer the above questions if you COULD :


May I please seek your kind attention! Please take a look at my plight…

I was born and brought up in a poor and respectable family. After completing graduation I secured a job in a prestigious nationalised bank in Karnataka. I served the bank for 40 years in various capacities and retired as a senior manager in the year ****. I got married in the year 1978 and have two children, a daughter and a son. My daughter is an engineering graduate, married to a doctor, lives in London, UK with her husband and two sons. Both of them hold responsible and respectable posts. My son is an engineering graduate and is presently working for a private company near London. He worked in Bengaluru for over 5 years before moving to the UK in **** for a living. After retirement, I live in ****** with my wife and my father aged 94 years.

old manWe were very happy and contented till we celebrated our son’s marriage on ******* 2012. After marriage, my son took his wife to United Kingdom. Hell broke loose on him. Within 15 days, his wife started harassing and abusing him for each and everything. She tried to distance him from our family. She abused, insulted and ill treated him in front of his friends and relatives. She ill treated my wife and me when we visited them for a short visit for a few days. She ill treated my son, my wife and me at her parents house when went there to see off our son before he left for the UK. She had a history of self harming and attempted the same in her marital home in the UK. My son’s efforts to correct her and lead a peaceful & comfortable life were futile. His prayers with his in-laws and brother-in-law for suitably advising her to mend her ways were not heeded to.

Finally, when it was impossible to live with her, my son separated from his wife in the UK. During this time, my son ensured that his wife was well provided for. He invited his mother-in-law to live with his wife. He moved out of the marital home to accommodate his wife and his mother-in-law. He stacked up groceries for them and even offered to provide subsistence. Then he filed an application for divorce in ***** 2014 before the family court at UK, after suffering for almost an year after marriage. My son’s wife returned to India from her marital home in UK, after she received the divorce notice served on her. Since then, she is staying with her parents in ********. After returning, she and her family have unleashed a malicious door-to-door campaign to malign our family. We ignored all their accusations and did not publicise the truth as we did not want to tarnish the image of the woman and jeopardise her future.

The Family Court in UK granted a decree nisi in **** 2014. In **** 2014, the Family Court in the UK pronounced decree absolute. The Court proceedings were contested by my son’s wife through her detailed written submissions to the Court. She filed for Restitution of Conjugal Rights petition in the Family Court at ******* in ***** 2014. The case is now posted for arguments. She has also filed a police complaint u/s IPC 498(a) accusing my son, my wife, my daughter, my son-in-law and me of ill treatment and mental harassment. All her allegations are false and concocted.

At the outset, my son’s ex-wife is a graduate. She was employed in India and she held an employment in the UK. She is a modern day, independent woman. My wife and I did not have a domestic relationship with the woman. We did not reside with her at any time in India or UK. In India she only visited our home for a short duration. When we went to the UK, we visited our son only for a few days as our primary reason for the visit was caring for our grandchildren at my daughter’s place in London. During all these visits we have treated the woman with love and affection. My daughter and son-in-law are citizens of the United Kingdom. They are living separately from my son. My son lived 75 Km away from my daughter during the time of events alleged in the complaint. Infact, my daughter helped my son in setting up his marital home and live a comfortable living in the UK.

Police have registered the complaint under section 498(a) of IPC and issued a notice to my wife and me to appear before them to record our statement. As per the advice of our relatives, friends and well wishers, we secured an anticipatory bail from the Court and gave our statement before the Investigation Officer. As per the bail condition, me and my wife were required to mark our attendance in police station once in 15 days till the final report is submitted. Me and my family had never met any lawyer or legal fraternity earlier. We spent a sizeable amount for getting the anticipatory bail as we were told it was the need of the hour. The advocate whom we engaged for the job did not give us any advice regarding how to proceed further. He did not pick up our calls or reply to our messages at the time of our distress.

My son’s ex-wife has alleged mental torture and ill treatment at UK in her marital home, at ****** in her parental home when my son had visited for the first time after his marriage during the marriage of his brother-in-law and in ***** our home when she visited for two days before proceeding to her marital home after her prolonged stay with her parents in ***** after her brother’s marriage. She has also fabricated some of her financial transactions to mislead the authorities to believe that her husband has usurped the amount. In fact she has transferred the amount to her husbands account for onward transfer of the same to her mother’s and brother’s bank accounts. These are easily verifiable in their bank statements.

The complaint itself was filed after UK Court established cruelty of my son’s wife & pronounced decree nisi and after my son made an application for decree absolute. The final decree of divorce was to be announced in a few weeks. Even a layman can easily make out from the complaint that it is false and concocted. It has been filed only to harass us and force my son to pay up undeserved monetary compensation. The complaint does not contain any allegations of dowry or any such financial favours, it does not contain accusations regarding any physical harm or injury inflicted on her (which none of us have done!). Yet the Police have registered the FIR under section 498(a) of IPC.

The public prosecutor is representing her case and we are forced to engage a lawyer to defend us from our retirement fund. As per the bail condition we were visiting the police station at ****** once in a fortnight for a few months. Then after a struggle at the High Court of ******, our bail condition was relaxed to mark attendance once in 4 weeks. Nothing has moved since. One can imagine the hardship apart from the humiliation we are facing to visit the police station at ****** as we live in ***** 150 KM away from ********, leaving my 94 years aged father alone at home till we return. We have written and requested the police authorities to speed up the investigation and file a final report. We have assured all our cooperation in speedy disposal. But nothing has moved.

Ours is a live example of how a false complaint can land an honorable and law abiding family in distress. Is this the system in our country? Does our system so blatantly encourage false complaints and harass innocents? As elderly citizens we have spent most of our life serving the nation in our own way, do we deserve this? Do we have to spend all our retirement money at this old age and come to streets because of these false accusations? We were a respectable family and continue to be so. But in the eyes of police and law we are accused number 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5. We are peace loving, law abiding citizens contributing in our own way for the Nation building. Now we have no peace. Our big question is, what is our sin to be treated like this? Is it our sin being the parents to a young man?

We had a lot of hope in our legal system and police. By the passing time, our hopes are dwindling and a cynical attitude is developing in us. Now, I am beginning to feel that all this suffering is only due to my straightforwardness and desire to be ethical. If I had chosen the other route then I would not have suffered this much. This case would have been closed.

We seek justice. We have written 4 letters each to PMO, MHA, City Police Commissioner and other such top officials. May I know, who in the executive machinery will ensure that appropriate, speedy measures are taken? As all of them seem to be indifferent and uncaring to the plight of the innocent elderly people. May I request all who are considerate towards sufferers like us to show some light and help us to lead a normal and respectable life?

I thank you for a patient reading.


DISCLAIMER: The location and other details have not been disclosed to protect the identity of the victim as it’s a sub judice case. The story above is an email shared by the victim. The blog owner isn’t accountable for veracity of the facts mentioned. However, if you are a media organization who would want to cover the facts of this case, the details of the victim can be provided.  If you wish to share your story, write to us at

ONE 498A that took away THREE lives…..

This is an extremely heart wrenching story. My heart bleeds. I wonder how people so cruel live after three lives on their head…..One has to be a DEMON to be responsible for something like this!

I had a cousin by name Ajay ——, he was no lesser than my own brother. He completed Chartered Accountancy course in 2009 and he was of 26 years that time.. He was also a M.Com graduate and MA in Economics.. He used to give free coaching to 11th and 12th commerce students and he also used to teach B.Com and MBA students while he was still studying CA. after he completed CA, He started private practice and he also kept up his coaching classes… life was perfect for him.. Then the elders came together and decided to look for a perfect girl for him.. But he had already decided whom to marry.. Her name was Anjali —— and she was one of his classmate from where he got his M.Com degree.. At first all the elders were against it because of caste problem but then they agreed for his happiness… Everything went as planned… everything was alright for 3 months.. then she started to show her real demonic form.. she started to quarrel with him for every small things like, wearing a blue shirt, listening to regional folk music, using a certain soap, coaching some children for free at the terrace of the house…

He somehow kept a lid on all of these because his father was a heart patient… one day it struck, his second heart attack and he was somewhat completely paralysed… after this he needed special attention… She started yelling at him saying “I’m not here to look after your sick parents” so he appointed a in house nurse.. she had a problem with that too… he used to earn a good deal of money majority of which was used by her for shopping unnecessary things and stuff like that… He started to fall short of money for his father’s treatment even he used to earn around 1.5 lakhs P M.. he asked her to control her spending so that he wouldn’t have to take loan from outside for his father.. she started a big fight for that also and started to demand that they move out and live separately..

He got angry at that and slapped her… that’s it, his life ended then and tere itself… she screamed like a mad and swore that she would ruin his life and went to her parents’ home… her father is a retired public prosecutor… my brother and all of us thought that she would automatically come back when she realises her mistake… but she didn’t come… police came… without listening to anyone they dragged him, his mother and his wheelchair ridden father like dogs in the middle of night…. you know what happens after that… unfortunately his father died even before they reached police station… his mother’s health deteriorated drastically… and in an interval of just 4 days he lost both his parents… even he committed suicide… now she lives happily… I cut the story short because it’s already long…. all this because of a false allegation of domestic violence and dowry harassment…

~Shared on Facebook by the dead man’s cousin.

NOTE: The domestic violence act in India does not keep reciprocal violence into account. A woman can verbally, physically abuse a man but he is supposed to shut up because he can not file any kind of a case on his wife however one slap can lead to domestic violence charges. The cases take years and your life is in complete jeopardy. There is no penalty for filing a false domestic violence case in India.

PS: If you have a story like this to share, mail me on

RIP #MartyrsOfMarriage. MOM_slide

War of Choices – If you have, HE HAS TOO!

My Body | My Mind | My Choice

His Body | His Mind | His Choice | His Money | His Lifestyle | His Habits | HIS LIFE – RESPECT IT!!!

my-choice-padukone-newslaundrySo Deepika Padukone’s #MyChoice video hits internet and takes it by storm. Women start clapping, even though they do not know what is in the video to clap for. Oh come on Deepika (Bhardwaj) – It’s on “Women Empowerment,” Isn’t that enough? Ummmm….Well I am wondering if these women are clapping because 99 privileged women who have actually made all the choices in life are now talking about “choice” or because the video convinces them that they can do whatever they want since they are “women” and it’s their “choice” or because the video takes them away from guilt pangs that if men have done it then we can also do it even though we have cried over the same things for centuries but now let’s reclaim our freedom by doing exactly what they did! After all the real test of EQUALITY is to EMULATE MEN no matter if it is right or wrong!

I am a woman too and what I write after seeing the video is my Choice. And I choose to talk about choices of Men after seeing the #MyChoice video for Women. So here it is…..

  1. If you have choice to wear whatever you want, he has a choice to wear whatever he wants too. Do not call him outdated if he doesn’t give in to your fashion sense. It’s HIS choice. By the way when did you see him wearing slippers to a party or shorts to a conference just because he had a Choice? (Many Night Clubs have restrictions on what Men can wear. DAMN why the hell men don’t cry for their choices. Also never heard any uproar over Nigaar Khan’s comment over shirtless Gautam Gulati in Big Boss)
  2. You have a choice to be size zero or size fifty he has a choice too. Don’t call him baldy if he has a receding hairline. Don’t call him fat ugly old useless man and refuse to take him to dinners because you feel embarrassed. Don’t push him to join Gym/VLCC just because you want him to reduce. It’s HIS Choice.
  3. You have a choice to marry or not to marry. He has a choice to marry the one he wants to and say No if he doesn’t want to. He can marry a wealthy chic because he thinks it would make his life better just the way women marry rich men. He can marry a fair beautiful slim girl just like women want tall good looking guys. He can dump whosoever he wants. It’s HIS Choice. Don’t call him a Sexist. Bride refuses to marry dark groom
  4. If you can lie about yourself, your habits, your education, your job in a marriage, he can lie too. It’s His Choice.
  5. You have a choice to work or not to work. No one should dictate that. Well, he has a choice to earn or not to earn too. He has a choice to go for a job or sit at home too. Do not call him a loser if he doesn’t earn much. Do not call him a couch potato who is good for nothing. It’s HIS Choice.
  6. If you have a choice to have sex before marriage, or outside marriage, or not have sex at all, he has a choice to all that too. Do not file a rape case on him if you had sex before marriage and later he did not marry you. Do not file a dowry and domestic violence and physical and mental cruelty case on him if he has sex outside marriage. Do not call him impotent and cry he ruined your life if he does not have sex at all. Do not get him arrested if he is a Gay and loves men. After all it’s HIS Choice.
  7. If it’s your choice to love temporarily or lust forever, it is his choice too. It is his choice to love you temporarily and move on when he can’t just stand you. It is his choice to love you temporarily and move on when he finds someone better, someone hotter than you. If you can dump whoever you want, he can too. It’s his choice. It can be his choice to lust forever just like you! Don’t call him pervert, desperate. He can have lust. If it is your choice to wear a breast revealing dress, it is his choice to look at it and fantasize. It’s HIS Choice.
  8. If it’s your choice to love a man or a woman or both, it’s his choice too. Do not call him a namard because he loves a man and he could not gather guts to tell you that he loves men. Just like you were not able to tell you are a lesbian and made your choice to hide it, he hid it too and it was his Choice. Do not cry cheating then and get him arrested. Hiding – it’s His Choice.
  9. You are my choice. I am not your privilege. Ahhh well …you are also his choice. He is also not your privilege that he would behave exactly the way you want him to. The way he wants to be is his choice. Stop changing him because he is not your privilege. And if he refuses to change according to you It’s His Choice.
  10. If it’s your choice to come home at 4am or 6pm; it’s his choice too to come whenever he wants. Don’t be upset and presume he is screwing women around while he might be slogging in office just to make sure you can afford a holiday this year at a foreign location. If you can have work, he can have work too and he can choose not to come home because it’s HIS Choice.
  11. it is your choice to have his baby or not. Give him also a choice whether he should have a baby from you or someone else. Also, when you decide to get married to him but have someone else’s baby, do not beg for maintenance for that baby from him after a paternity fraud. To not pay for that baby It’s HIS Choice.
  12. If you have a choice to pick him from 7 billion choices or not he has a choice to pick you or reject you. Do not cry Sexism/Victimhood after he makes his choice. It’s HIS Choice.
  13. Your pleasures (to do whatever you want without caring a zilch about others) is their pain. Just like their pleasures are your pain! You make your choice to have your pleasures. Don’t be in pain when they indulge in their pleasures without caring about your pain. It’s HIS Choice.
  14. Take it with panache when he treats you as a snowflake and not the snowfall. Because how he treats you it’s HIS Choice.
  15. He has his choice. He can choose to empathize or be indifferent to you, your pain, your existence and your “womanhood. It’s HIS Choice.
  16. If he drinks and gets sloshed – don’t call him an alcoholic because it’s HIS Choice. If you are a teetotaller it’s not his mistake.
  17. If he doesn’t drink nor has non vegetarian – don’t mock him of being old fashioned because it’s HIS Choice. If you drink alcohol and he doesn’t it is not his mistake.
  18. If he works out in the gym for two hours while you would want him to be at home to take care of babies, do not call him irresponsible because he can make a choice to baby sit or hit the gym. It’s HIS Choice. At least he is not running away with the gym instructors and then asking half property! Getting cosy With Personal Trainers
  19. If he goes out and chats with other women, do not call him a flirt and other names. It is his choice to interact with anyone who he wants. Talking to whom, at what time, with how many, for how long it’s HIS Choice.
  20. If it’s your choice to call anyone bastard, mother fucker, dick, show them middle fingers, they have the choice to give back the same to you too. Don’t cry Victim then because you are a woman. How he talks to you it’s HIS Choice.
  21. If you slapped a man first, he should slap you back because it’s HIS Choice. How can she slap?
  22. Respect is not earned by Gender, it’s earned by who you are. If he doesn’t respect you for who you are – it’s HIS Choice.
  23. If you have a choice to accept AIB Roast and laugh out loud on the jokes, the journalist also has a choice to publish the story in the way he wants. It’s HIS Choice!!!!

Now, let’s talk about your choices. You talked of his mind being caged. Care to make a choice of removing some shackles from your brains too – that he needs to spend money when you go out, that he needs to save you when you are in trouble, that he needs to defend you when you are losing, that he needs to protect you all the time, that he needs to be the responsible one in the relationship, that he needs to be more conscious about finances and more and more and more?

Your mind is caged when you expect him to bear the brunt of every broken relationship. Your mind is caged when you feel you have a right on his money, his home, his assets and his property only because he chose to marry you. His assets and his own home before marrying you is his property and you never made any contribution to it. It is his choice to sell it or use it the way he wants. Don’t give the crap of choice when what you actually do is – restrain him from disposing those assets in which you contributed nothing because you have a choice of filing a false domestic violence case. Your mind is caged when you think you have done some favour to him by marrying him and thus he needs to be indebted to you for life. Your mind is caged when you sit at home and file for maintenance from him just because you want to teach him a lesson. Your mind is caged when you think he needs to pay you fat alimony because he is the one who has to pay invariably for this broken relationship. Your mind is caged when you expect him to treat your parents as parents while you treat his parents as useless objects in the house. Care to make a choice to discuss your own cages too?

Ms Deepika Padukone if it is your choice to open the bra strap in a video that’s supposed to reach millions of young girls you need to make a better choice to what you want to tell them. Doctors are already worried of rising numbers of teen pregnancy. You cannot preach choice without taking responsibility of those choices. Men do not get pregnant and no matter how it “hurts” the feminists and preachers of women’s rights, it’s a truth that no one can deny. Yes you can remove the baby because it is your choice, but those ipills and abortions would take a toll only on her body and no one else’s. Sex Education is not something that’s taught as a #MyChoice video that makes them disillusioned about the choices and freedom. I am the last person on this earth who does not want freedom for women. I am as free as all the men in my family. They are as free as the family desires. We aren’t animals where all that is to the species is having sex with whomever and whenever and then create and then forget. We are human beings and our choices cannot be summed up in a 2 minute video. Because life is lived off Youtube and every choice has an action or reaction to it!!!

To all the women out there who are so fed up with men around them and the expectations they have of you (as if you do not expect anything at all from the men in your life) –

Create a separate world – only of women. Be lesbians.

Borrow sperm and create your own babies. If it is a baby boy – kill them because you would anyways bring them up like a woman and he would be confused for the rest of life on how nature makes him think and do a certain way but you would want him to be a certain way. And – if you did not kill male foetus how anyways you would you be able to take the ultimate revenge on patriarchy anyways!

If this sounds too difficult I suggest you do something else – DO NOT MARRY. Declare it to the universe today. That you would not marry and ever feel someone is guiding your ways, habits, life. Easiest you know! Tell your parents the world now has no man that fits your bill. Marriage is name of adjustment for both the people in it and if you do not wish to make any adjustments then just do not get into it!!! A man who does not have any of his choices but need to respect all the choices you make.

Doing everything that a man does and exactly the way a man does isn’t CHOICE. It’s APING. It’s competition in the name of Equality. And asking women to take the path that “you” justify as the way to freedom is taking away “choice” of a woman who feels proud in looking after her family

And – while you all indulge in a fit of male bashing for the alleged “restrictions” patriarchy or society make, let me share my personal experience with you. In my entire life I have seen more women putting restrictions on a woman’s freedom than a man. I have seen numerous fathers who have brought up their daughters just as equal as their sons and in several cases including my own, have given more freedom to their daughters than their sons. In my whole life I have seen women commenting and ridiculing women more than men. Examples replete where woman of the home got her own daughter killed in name of “honour” or was an absolutely equal party to the decision of throwing her out of the family. I have seen numerous examples where women of the home have been the biggest block in accepting the choice of her daughter than men. I have seen several fathers who have indeed gone against their own wives to let their daughters do what they want!

The most visible example – I have seen men being sandwiched between their wives and mothers as these women can just not be human with each other. Examples a plenty where daughter in law could just not stand mother in law and divided the family, forcing man to leave his parents, his family, friends and circles and he would have to choose between being a henpecked husband or a caring son. I don’t see women fighting for rights of women who are mothers in law or sisters in law ill treated by their son’s or brother’s wife.

Darlings – get your own community to respect your choices first and then target the other gender.

I am a 29 year old female. I have made a choice that I would get married when I want. There are pressures on me to get married, but I have held my grounds and I know I would marry only when I want. Easy? Ofcourse not. But I don’t go around blaming society for that. They have seen women of my age married with kids. They have their own thoughts and their own opinions. Stop blaming the society for its opinions. You don’t wish to abide by the rules – don’t but don’t beg for acceptance and put them down if your choice is not their CHOICE.

To end it – Deepika Padukone says “When you are not caged, when you don’t succumb to expectation – that’s when you are empowered!”

Girls – more than being caged by others – you are caged by your own self. Because you think being “slim” is the thing to “be” and go in depression if you are fat. Because you think being “sexy and hot” is when you would be accepted in the “circle” and if not you are not. You are caged by what to wear because if you did not wear that label or brand you would quite not fit into the circle. You succumb to your own expectations more than that of others. You succumb to your own expectation of having a husband that needs to act and behave the way you want all the time. You feel disempowered when he does not do so. You feel disempowered when people do not succumb to your expectations. You feel disempowered when the world doesn’t accept whatever you want to do in the name of a “woman.” It doesn’t do so for a man too. It’s just that you have a notion that ALL MEN HAVE IT TOO EASY!

CHOICE – comes with a lot of responsibility. Do not confuse choice with DISORDER!!!

 Here’s a glimpse of demands of Women With Choice….20 Crore “Only” after barely an year of marriage under Domestic Violence Act…..20 crore alimony

Disclaimer: I do not agree with a lot of things I have mentioned as “his choices” and support them at all but when it has all come down to #MyChoice then well….after all it’s a choice. You might get offended with #MyChoice so did I got disturbed with your #MyChoice.

Image Source: NewsLaundry

Pyaar Ka Punchnaama in Real!!!

Remember that character in film “pyaar ka punchnama” where this chick used this boy emotionally financially and then humiliated him in front of her boyfriend? Here’s a story from reel to real. I feel sick reading how selfish some (probably most leaving some exceptions) young women are. No numbers to this boy too because being stupid is only your fault and you can not blame the other person when you are yourself happy being used, exploited, drained. I wud in fact say this man is lucky as she left him only financially drained. She could completely ruin him by filing a rape case. Glad she dint. …but read on how a young smart girl exploits an unsuspecting boy financially ….only to dump him later after juicing him out monetarily…. leaving him emotionally scarred for life …..


Hi Deepika,

I’m 26 and not yet married. I’m almost certain not to marry mostly due to some incidents of my life, one of which I would like to share.

Although my incident pales in comparison to the trauma and anguish that many men have faced, but it did open my eyes altogether. I’ll try to be as brief as possible.

I’ve been working right out of college i.e. from 2010 and in July 2012 had started pursuing my M-Tech in evening program (3 year course). To save traveling time, I worked from home on most days and would come to office once or twice in a week.

In mid-August 2012, a girl Rekha (name changed) had joined in Administration department. We started talking on Google chat first and by December we were talking on phone for hours together. We had become very good friends (She of-course had a boyfriend to whom she is married now and I had no intention of coming in their way). We used to hang out together after work on the days I came to office. I used to help her in her official work also.

Around May 2013 she asked me for financial help (to pay for college fees of her sister; her boyfriend had started his own company and was already under financial duress) and I immediately gave the money which I had saved up for paying my college fees. By August 2013, she had changed company and I was able to talk only on phone.

She was also pressurizing her boyfriend to get married and the marriage was decided to be held in December 2013. She again asked for financial help in October and November 2013 and this time the amount was quite high. I managed to arrange it by taking up debts from my friends (Fortunately I have a few good friends).

Then after taking all the money she calls up and says that after marriage she would not be able to talk much on phone, which is understandable. And I say that I would not call her or disturb her and told her that I would be really happy if she could call me once in two weeks whenever she had some time.

But soon things start changing after marriage. She now only messaged (messages were only about her life) and sent some of her official work to me and expected me to be at her service instantly. A slight delay of 15 minutes in responding and she would start calling and messaging multiple times asking about my whereabouts.

The only time she calls me is now apart from any work that needs to be done is when she needs more money in March 2014. (Though she returned this money!!).

But by now I’m already starting to feel frustrated at this friendship which is only about her life, her work and my money (she doesn’t even know the name of the M-Tech course that I’m pursuing). And by June 2014, I chose to end 2 years of intense friendship.

Fortunately she left me alone in peace.

But after reading through the articles I’m starting to wonder if the above had happened in a marriage, and the girl chosen to use 498A, would there have been any peace for me?

And above all I’m seeing this among my friends who are borrowing money just to get married and throw a massive marriage party!

I’ve become sick of it. What makes me even more sick is that there is no peace for men even after marriage all thanks to 498A. Its about time to head for Mars I guess!!


Disclaimer: Excerpts from email sent by a young boy. Names protected on request. If you wish to share your story, write to

Some Sanity: Educated woman can’t claim Maintenance for Life.

CA No. 37/2014
Smt. Swati  Kaushik W/o Sh. Ashwini Sharma R/o C­501, Nagarjuna Aparments, Mayurkunj, Near Chilla Regulator Delhi­110096
Versus Sh. Ashwini Sharma S/o Sh. C. Paul Sharma R/o B­37, Cel Apartments, Plot No. B­14, Vasundhra Enclave New Delhi­110096

         ………… Respondent
1.By this order I shall   dispose of the appeal u/s 29 D.V. 
Act whereby  appellant challenged the order dated 22/09/14. 
2.    The marriage between the parties is admitted and so is the birth of child.  The parties has  leveled allegations and counter 
allegations. The parties filed   respective affidavits of income and 
assest before the trial court. After considering the prima facie case 
Ld. Trial Court held that the appellant/ wife was working with Tata 
Sky Ltd. She had a Master Diploma and she could maintain herself. 
The   minor   child,   however,   was   granted   a   maintenance   of   Rs. 
15,000/­ from the date of petition.  Respondent was also granted Rs. 
10,000/­   in   lieu   of   expenses   for   residence.   The   income   of   the 
respondent was considered as Rs. 65,000 to Rs. 75,000 per month. 
The order has been challenged interalia on the ground that the 
appellant is an unemployed lady and has to take care of her minor 
child.  The respondent  and  his family members   had assets and 
had huge income. Appellant is living with her father and is dependent 
on him. The expenditure of respondent as per affidavit is much more 
than   his   income   which   shows   that   he   earns   more.     He   lives 
luxurious life,  maintains  driver,  servant etc. The respondent has 
also challenged the order  vide separate appeal  stating that the 
appellant can maintain herself.  It was argued by the Ld. Counsel for 
the appellant that she  is living with the  minor child separately from 
the respondent, however, the respondent has not paid   a   single 
penny for the maintenance of minor child despite the filing of the petition under DV Act in September 2011.   It was  argued that the 
though   the   appellant   was   working   earlier,     now   she   has   the 
responsibility of the minor child.  The appellant cannot move out of 
her house to take up a  job leaving the minor child behind.    It was 
argued that the respondent to avoid his liability has taken personal 
loans   and   education   loan.   As   per   the   records   the   income   of 
respondent is about 2 lacs per months and the wife and child are 
entitled for 60 % of the income.  
3.   Ld.   Counsel   for   the   respondent   on   the   other   hand 
argued that  the respondent had to quit his job due to litigation.  He 
wanted to keep appellant with him but she filed the Divorce.   He 
argued that the child is of 5 years old now and   if the appellant 
chooses not to work for the rest of her life, the respondent cannot be 
made to pay for her for the rest of her life despite the fact that she is 
educated woman who can maintain herself. 
4.   Ld. Counsel for the appellant relied upon the judgment 
of Hon’ble Delhi High Court in 140 (2007) DLT 16,  Bharat Hegde 
Vs. Saroj Hegde where it was held that the applicant ( wife) had 
a   right   to   live   in   a   similar   life   style   as   she   enjoyed   in 
matrimonial home.   He has also relied upon some more judgment 
which lay down more or less similar rule, the judgment being of the 
period of 2005 to 2009. The  law has changed since then, by the 
judgment in In 171 (2010) DLT 644, Sanjay Bhardwaj & Ors. Vs. 
State  wherein the Hon’ble High Court held that where the parties 
have   equal   educational   qualification,   both   must   take   care   of 
5.   Similar judgments  have been delivered by the Hon’ble 
High Court over the period. The appellant is contesting that her 
husband earns a lot of money and she is entitled for a share in it. 
She herself cannot work because she has to take care of the minor 
child.    The child would be 5 years  plus as of now and as argued by 
the Ld. Counsel for the respondent, the  appellant will have to take 
up some work   sooner or later, she being an educated woman 
having   earlier   work   experience.   So   far   as   the   minor   child   is 
concerned the respondent cannot run away from  the liability towards 
child even if the appellant  who is the mother of the child,  is working 
and is  independent. 
6.   Ld. Counsel for the appellant argued that the respondent 
of the appellant.  Rest of the order remains unaltered.  The order is 
modified in above terms. 
7.    TCR be sent back along with copy of this order.  Appeal 
file be consigned to Record Room. 
Announced in the open 
court on  12/03/2015     (ANURADHA SHUKLA BHARDWAJ)             ASJ­02, (EAST) KKD COURTS/DELHI
earns much more than is reflected from its affidavits.  The admitted 
income of the respondent as of now is Rs. 75,000/­. His actual 
income is a matter of trial.  If the appellant proves that he is earning 
more,   she would be entitled for enhanced maintenance payable 
from back date.  At prima facie stage, respondent having admitted 
that he earns Rs. 75,000/­,   it shall be  taken as his income. The 
order in so far  as   it relates to  the maintenance granted to the child 
at Rs. 15000/­ is without any error.   There is no error in the relief of 
residence granted to the wife as Rs. 10,000/­ per month as well. 
Since the wife has pleaded that she had  to leave her job due to 
marriage and birth of child, and as of now she is unemployed,  the 
respondent has a liability to provide   for her maintenance.   This 
maintenance however, cannot be perpetual as argued by the Ld. 
Counsel for the respondent.  The take away salary of Rs. 75,000/­ 
has been admitted by the respondent. He is already paying Rs. 
10,000/­   towards   residence   to   the   appellant.   He   shall   pay   an 
additional amount of Rs. 10,000/­ per month to   the wife.   This 
maintenance however, shall be for restricted period i.e. for one  year 
from the date of this order. The appellant shall during this period of 
one year look for a job and start an independent life. After the 
conclusion of  one year ,  respondent shall not pay the maintenance 
Crl. (A) No. 37/2014 Page 5 of 6 Swati Kaushik Vs. Ashwani Sharma

Are you Marrying a Pshycho? Marriage, Deception & Lies

If you are about to get married and girls parents are pushing things really really fast, BE ALERT!!! The story below is the most common drama that happens whenever there is a problem with the girl or her past or present. Pressurizing for a quick marriage for xyz reasons. Most common issues – had a boyfriend, parents disapproved so marry her wherever fast | history of psychatric disorders where minimum interaction happens in courtship period ( boys like fools think they are getting a chuimui girl who is very shy) | she is pregnant and they need to cover it up by marrying her asap | her boyfriend is a goon and won’t let her get married  (usually they insist on every damn ritual in another city in that case)

See i am not asking you to be scared of marriage. But if you GET THE SIGNS, don’t ignore them! Read on…..mail by a young martyr of marriage


I had an arranged marriage with an educated girl ( a software engineer)who pretended to be normal in every manner. I met the girl in …… 2012 and her family persuaded me to get married as soon as possible stating that the girls younger sister also had to be married after the elder girls wedding. Due to this the marriage date was fixed just three months after. In the 3 months prior to our marriage the girl kept her interactions with me to a minimum. She always avoided meeting me giving several excuses that she was busy with office work.

I did not suspect anything and trusted the girl and her family completely. This was  my biggest mistake.

I even planned a week long honeymoon trip after the marriage.

As soon as the marriage ceremony was completed my wife started showing her true colours and behaved in a very abnormal manner. She completely stopped interacting with me. She told me categorically that she was not interested in marital life and having any physical contact. She said that I must not even hold her hand!

This came as an absolute shock to me and my parents. When we discussed the matter with her parents they responded without any surprise and said that we must take her to a marriage counsellor or psychiatrist and get the matter sorted and that it was not their problem.

These remarks and attitude of the girls parents set alarm bells ringing. We realised that the girl had pre existing psychiatric problems and this was known to the family. they had deliberately suppressed the information in order to get her married off.

Nevertheless we consulted a well known marriage counsellor in ***&****. I was trying to stay positive and hoping the it would be a minor problem.

Unfortunately we found out that the problem is deep rooted and that such problems do not get solved. (The counsellor who is a highly qualified and experienced professional informed us that she has seen many such cases and that such girls are either asexual or schizophrenic and are not interested in marital life).

We also got further independent opinions from 2 other psychiatrists who gave us the same feedback.

This prompted us to take legal advice. Our lawyer told us immediately file for divorce. In the meanwhile my wife decided to leave the house and stay with her sister.

We sent a legal notice asking for a mutual divorce.

Her family has refused to give a divorce and are contesting the case in court. My wife has made several false accusations in her petition that I am a drunkard and a wife beater and that I was misbehaving with her. The case is still going on. My wife (he’s still calling her his wife!!!!) is using this case a blackmail tool to extort a huge sum of money from me.

Our courts are overburdened with cases and the prosess is very slow. I am sufferring daily and am always depressed. My family is humiliated and hurt.

The only good thing is that my wife in unable to misuse section 498A as we have taken necessary steps as per legal advise.

I completely empathise with other victims. This is a social evil that needs to be addressed immediately. If we do not take steps to make laws gender neutral, people will lose faith in the institution of marriage.

I do respect and support women. However this trend of misuse of laws is scary and should be curtailed ASAP.

I was speaking to a German friend of mine and she says that Germany had biased laws 3 or 4 decades ago. This led to lot of mistrust and eventual breakdown of the institution of marriage.Youngsters opted to have casual sexual relationships and not commit to marriage. however the German society recognised this and today, laws in Germany are gender neutral. They are now promoting the concept of marriage and family.

We need to learn from Germany’s experience and not repeat the mistakes.

Indian women need to understand that when they get married they are committing to certian obligations. These obligations must be met. (This goes for the men as well)

Disclaimer : Identity protected on request.

A man can DIE but not DIVORCE

After my TEDx Talk I have been flooded with mails by victims of false dowry cases, rape cases, relationships gone bad and much more…..Here’s story of a young software engineer whose career, life, his father’s job are all at stake because he does not want to live with a woman who has caused so much misery to him and his entire family. Identity kept confidential to avoid any repercussion.


Hi Mam,

I  came across through your articles, videos about misuse of 498a on social media & decided to write about my case to you. My name is ****** , age 23yrs. I am from *****, Rajasthan. I am a software engineer.

I & my wife stayed together in ****** for only 16 days after marriage. One day we had some argument because she locked my younger sister & went out for 3-4 hours while I was in office. Next day she called her brother & returned to her home.I tried to communicate her but she changed her mobile number. My parents tried to talk to them but they put some illegitimate conditions ahead of us , main of them are-

1. Fixed deposit of 5 lakh in favor of my wife.
2. I should work only in her hometown or her parental house not at the city we were living in etc etc
I was unable to fulfill their demands because all money we had was spent in marriage & there is no good IT company in *******. I filed Section 9 to bring her back but she lodged complain in Women Commission. Police called us for talk in evening, we requested them to do it i morning but girl’s father refused.When I entered police station Circle Inspector threatened me to satisfy her demands & said nobody will be able to save you. But I refused. Then her father, brother started shouting & police arrested me & my father in Crpc 151 for breach of peace & advised my wife to file the case.
After they filed the case they tried best thing to get me , mainly to my father , a Govt employee to be arrested, as it would result in his suspension. So we left our home & started hiding. Meanwhile I was terminated by my company as I was absent. Lawyers were on strike so my brother in person applied for Anticipatory bail of my parents & we got it. After it they were very depressed as they wanted to send my father jail. Now my wife started saying in the court that she wanted to go back to her husband.
On hearing of my Anticipatory bail Judge tried to pressurize me to keep her with me but I refused. He  became & angry & rejected my Anticipatory bail on ground of my refusal & attitude.
Now everywhere she is saying to come back so I agreed to take her from her home in hearing of 482. When I reached her home. Nobody even asked me to get in their house. Feeling insulted I returned. Next day in High Court  she came in saree with bag & said  she was  ready to go directly from court with me.When I started telling about what happened when I visited her house to take her.  Judge asked me if you want to keep her take her now ” As obvious I refused because it was a drama by her only before the court.
Now everyone is accusing me why I’m not ready to take her back.Nobody listens whatever reasons I give.
I have written a letter to President & chief Justice of India about impact of the grounds of my bail rejection which was My refusal to take her back.
But nobody has replied to me. Now taking example from my case everyone in Rajasthan has accepted that if you refuse to take her back before the cout they would reject your Anticipatory bail application.
Thanks for reading my email And sorry if I wasted your precious time.
My two cents: Women rights activists say that a woman’s life is more important than the marriage. Her right to divorce paramount and that too with a compensation because it is not easy for a girl in India to get married. I have a Question – then why is it forced upon a man to continue living with his wife even if she is abusive and ill treat his parents and file cases on drop of a hat? what exactly would you call this demand of deposit of 5 lacs as a condition for her to return? Is this not dowry? Why can a man not take divorce in India without having to face 498A , domestic violence act, 125 and many more cases or he continues to be with a person who he does not want to be with ? Is it a cake walk for a family to get their son married again? We live in a highly misandrous society where the blame of a failed marriage is always put on the man. No matter how wrong the woman is, it is she who gets all the sympathy. Moreover, a man who has gone through so much just because of a non workable marriage, he thinks hundred times before marrying again. In this case a boy barely 23 years of age.
Sadly, parents of girls today are so angry for reasons best known to them that they think that the husband and his family are their slaves who they need to manipulate as per their whims and fancies.
If this continues, no sensible young man would marry in this country. We are surely headed for worse times for Indian Women. Cases will only sour and their conditions worse as they expose themselves to a world that leads to justice to apparently no one but the powerful!!
Disclaimer: This is an email sent by the victim. There is no reason for me not to believe this man’s words. This is not one of case but this is happening all across where parents of the girl keep conditions on slightest disagreements. Marriage is a relationship that both partners maintain by mutual trust and understanding and not one putting conditions on the other and making the other a slave. If you wish to share your story with us, write to