Month: April 2015

Ms Barkha Dutt , I did not come on your show for PUBLICITY

It all started on March 25, 2015 when I got a call from NDTV for a show they were planning to do on Marital Rape. The producer told me they would like to discuss the issue of false cases as well and hence asked for cases where people were falsely accused. I told the producer about case where a wife had filed a gang rape case on husband and his friend, later acquitted by court declaring the case as false. This was in Delhi. I also shared cases with the producer where husband’s male family members like his father and brothers were falsely accused of rape or molestation following a marital discord. This wasn’t because it was NDTV contacting me. It was because no one discusses this side of the story and hence are not interested in following these cases while I have plenty of them coming across every single day. So i share these stories with any media that ‘rarely’ gets interested in talking about misuse of laws. I participated in the show and no qualms in saying it was biased. I participated in the show because I wanted to present the side which is conveniently ignored.

I DID NOT PARTICIPATE IN THE SHOW FOR ANY PUBLICITY.

Yesterday, I saw a video doing rounds on the internet, where Barkha Dutt, sitting with Leslee Udwin (Director of India’s Daughter) gives a befitting reply to a Journalist when she says how unsafe India is for Women. While people are patting her back for this response, I tweeted if she was now doing a damage control after spreading the rape hysteria. It certainly did not go down well with her and she ended up tweeting this :

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Well, in case you are reading this Barkha – my tweet was not only for you but for all media people who have spread the rape hysteria post December 16, 2012. To all those whose brilliant efforts have ensured that young boys of my country are now being denied internships because all Indian Men have been showcased as “rapists” the world over. I say you spread rape hysteria because the TV channels show India’s Daughter with great tenacity but do not talk about India’s Sons getting accused of false rape charges day in day out without any hearing. I say you spread rape hysteria because you report every rape case without going into the depth of the case and hold discussions but when the case falls flat in front of the court, is declared absolutely false and concocted, you refuse to bring it to the world (Thanks to print media, they at least report these cases.) I say you spread rape hysteria because you do not show news when men die because of false rape/dowry accusations but if a woman dies, entire Indian media huddles to report on it. I say you spread rape hysteria because when a demand of 5 crore is made in exchange for a false gang rape case right in the heart of Delhi, no one reports it or shows that video where demand is being made but whenever an accusation is made, it is splashed again and again on our screens.

I would have loved to reply to you on why I tweeted what I tweeted. But saying if I came on your show for publicity was sad. I wonder if you have spoken about causes you believe in your life to gain publicity. I wonder if people who come on your show are all expected to have certain view about “you” and not the “issue” being discussed. I do not have a problem with “you.” I have a problem with the fact that you completely ignore the other side. I have a problem with the fact that you take a person falsely accused of a crime for granted. That pain has no consideration for you unless it is perhaps a Gowda’s son who gets implicated in such a charge. By the way – you said one thing in the debate – A man should go for divorce if his wife is not having any conjugal relationship with him even after months of wedding. Let me tell you few things – 1. If a man does that, he gets implicated in a false dowry/violence case anyways 2. If panacea for every pain of a married man in a marriage should be divorce – why shouldn’t the same apply to women? Why bring Marital Rape? They can just go and file for Divorce no?

Anyways, responding to my tweet the way you responded was your choice. Reacting to it, the way I understand is mine.

Here’s a letter I have written to you and also Prannoy Roy. Thanks but no thanks for calling me on the show. I have my lessons 🙂 🙂

To,

Dr. Prannoy Roy

Executive Co-Chairperson

NDTV Group

 Respected Sir,

Subject: I did not participate in your channels show “We The People” to get publicity

Hope you are doing well. I am writing to you with regards to my presence on one of the shows on your channel ‘We The People’ hosted by Barkha Dutt. The show was recorded on March 29, 2015 and topic of discussion was “Marital Rape.” I participated in the show in the capacity of a social activist and a filmmaker working on issue of misuse of women centric laws in India. Sir, I was ‘invited’ to be on the show by the producers of the show and did not beg anyone for an invitation. I thought that to be fair to every section of society, the channel is genuinely interested in looking at both sides of the story – the reason for my participation. Not only did I participate in the show but had frequent interaction with the producers, lending all my support in terms of research or providing contacts of people who are victims of false cases or anyone relevant to the issue. This is not the first time, I have extended all my help in research whenever I have got a call from producers of the channel for any show.

I DID NOT COME TO THE SHOW FOR PUBLICITY. NOR DID I KNOW THAT NDTV CALLS PEOPLE AS PANELISTS THINKING IT IS GIVING THEM ‘PUBLICITY.’

 I think any social activist working on ground on a cause would take an offence to such a remark and I am no different. Yesterday in a tweet, Barkha wrote to me “Hey just wondering why you agreed to come on the show hosted by me given your views of me? Or is all publicity good 🙂 ” The tweet was a response to my tweet “So apparently Barkha Dutt is trending for shutting up an Intl Journalist on VAW in India. First spread rape hysteria den damage control!”

 I am sure you are aware of the fact that an Indian Boy was refused internship by a German Professor citing “rape problem” in India and that she does not want to take any chances. I am not too sure if my tweet was at all in a bad taste given the recent events in the past where views of a person “convicted” of crime of rape was presented as that of average Indian Man and involvement of NDTV in India’s Daughter documentary episode. My tweet, yes was pointed to Barkha but was to every Indian media professional that has contributed to India attaining image of an “unsafe country for women,” without giving a hoot to the rising statistics of false rape cases, acknowledged by Indian courts. To the extent that a Judge commented “Delhi has attained title of rape capital of India because of false cases.”

I would have been happy to answer my views on ‘rape hysteria.’ I would have been happy to exchange notes with Barkha on why I tweeted what I tweeted. But, I did not expect this extremely derogatory tweet questioning if I participated in the show for publicity.

I would also like to ask you sir, do the panellists in your channels debates ‘need to have’ goodie good views of the anchor and if not, should not participate? Do you invite panellists on your debates thinking you are doing them a favour by giving them publicity? Do people participating in the shows on NDTV need to have views on the “issue being discussed” or the “anchor who is hosting the show?”

Anyways, I have been an admirer of NDTV and its work. As a student of Journalism, I have looked up to the journalists of this channel including Barkha Dutt. I am extremely disappointed today. And thus, I am sending back the cheque sent by your channel as an honorarium for my participation on the show. I thought my views contributed to the discussion. If the anchor or channel perceives it as a publicity stunt, I am afraid this honorarium does not make any sense to me and I refuse to accept it. If the channels deems fit, it can edit the online version of the show and upload it again because I certainly don’t want it to think it is giving me any ‘publicity.’ I shall be happy. Kindly acknowledge the receipt of this mail and the cheque.

I wish you and your channel great luck in all your endeavours. Congratulations for RedInk Lifetime Achievement Award.

Warm Regards,

Deepika Narayan Bhardwaj

 CC: Renee Chandola, Consultant – Chief Programme Coordinator, Barkha Dutt

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PS: Regardless of this conflict, I heartily invite you to meet hundreds of people victimized due to false cases at Jantar Mantar on May 5, 2015. You said false cases are an exception, maybe this gathering would help you understand these exceptions a bit more as a norm…..

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We were a respectable family once, today we are known as ACCUSED No. 1/2/3 ….

“As elderly citizens do we deserve this? Do we have to spend all our retirement money and come to streets because of false accusations? We were a respectable family and continue to be so. But in the eyes of police and law we are accused number 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5.”

Here’s a painful story from an elderly father caught in the net of a false 498A. If you are reading this, imagine your father and mother who have held each other’s hand for years and years go through this excruciating pain because we need every woman of this country to be empowered by IDIOTIC laws while our senior citizens suffer because of those very laws!!! Imagine that you are told that you must bear this suffering because the woman at the end of your street has been genuinely tortured and thus this one false complaint should not bother you! Imagine being dragged to police stations every week for no fault of yours and the cop telling you – madam/sir crime against women is at an all time high so you need to SUFFER because you have a man in your family and he happens to be HUSBAND to a WIFE!

Read this mail from an old father, helpless for being father to a son and answer the above questions if you COULD :

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May I please seek your kind attention! Please take a look at my plight…

I was born and brought up in a poor and respectable family. After completing graduation I secured a job in a prestigious nationalised bank in Karnataka. I served the bank for 40 years in various capacities and retired as a senior manager in the year ****. I got married in the year 1978 and have two children, a daughter and a son. My daughter is an engineering graduate, married to a doctor, lives in London, UK with her husband and two sons. Both of them hold responsible and respectable posts. My son is an engineering graduate and is presently working for a private company near London. He worked in Bengaluru for over 5 years before moving to the UK in **** for a living. After retirement, I live in ****** with my wife and my father aged 94 years.

old manWe were very happy and contented till we celebrated our son’s marriage on ******* 2012. After marriage, my son took his wife to United Kingdom. Hell broke loose on him. Within 15 days, his wife started harassing and abusing him for each and everything. She tried to distance him from our family. She abused, insulted and ill treated him in front of his friends and relatives. She ill treated my wife and me when we visited them for a short visit for a few days. She ill treated my son, my wife and me at her parents house when went there to see off our son before he left for the UK. She had a history of self harming and attempted the same in her marital home in the UK. My son’s efforts to correct her and lead a peaceful & comfortable life were futile. His prayers with his in-laws and brother-in-law for suitably advising her to mend her ways were not heeded to.

Finally, when it was impossible to live with her, my son separated from his wife in the UK. During this time, my son ensured that his wife was well provided for. He invited his mother-in-law to live with his wife. He moved out of the marital home to accommodate his wife and his mother-in-law. He stacked up groceries for them and even offered to provide subsistence. Then he filed an application for divorce in ***** 2014 before the family court at UK, after suffering for almost an year after marriage. My son’s wife returned to India from her marital home in UK, after she received the divorce notice served on her. Since then, she is staying with her parents in ********. After returning, she and her family have unleashed a malicious door-to-door campaign to malign our family. We ignored all their accusations and did not publicise the truth as we did not want to tarnish the image of the woman and jeopardise her future.

The Family Court in UK granted a decree nisi in **** 2014. In **** 2014, the Family Court in the UK pronounced decree absolute. The Court proceedings were contested by my son’s wife through her detailed written submissions to the Court. She filed for Restitution of Conjugal Rights petition in the Family Court at ******* in ***** 2014. The case is now posted for arguments. She has also filed a police complaint u/s IPC 498(a) accusing my son, my wife, my daughter, my son-in-law and me of ill treatment and mental harassment. All her allegations are false and concocted.

At the outset, my son’s ex-wife is a graduate. She was employed in India and she held an employment in the UK. She is a modern day, independent woman. My wife and I did not have a domestic relationship with the woman. We did not reside with her at any time in India or UK. In India she only visited our home for a short duration. When we went to the UK, we visited our son only for a few days as our primary reason for the visit was caring for our grandchildren at my daughter’s place in London. During all these visits we have treated the woman with love and affection. My daughter and son-in-law are citizens of the United Kingdom. They are living separately from my son. My son lived 75 Km away from my daughter during the time of events alleged in the complaint. Infact, my daughter helped my son in setting up his marital home and live a comfortable living in the UK.

Police have registered the complaint under section 498(a) of IPC and issued a notice to my wife and me to appear before them to record our statement. As per the advice of our relatives, friends and well wishers, we secured an anticipatory bail from the Court and gave our statement before the Investigation Officer. As per the bail condition, me and my wife were required to mark our attendance in police station once in 15 days till the final report is submitted. Me and my family had never met any lawyer or legal fraternity earlier. We spent a sizeable amount for getting the anticipatory bail as we were told it was the need of the hour. The advocate whom we engaged for the job did not give us any advice regarding how to proceed further. He did not pick up our calls or reply to our messages at the time of our distress.

My son’s ex-wife has alleged mental torture and ill treatment at UK in her marital home, at ****** in her parental home when my son had visited for the first time after his marriage during the marriage of his brother-in-law and in ***** our home when she visited for two days before proceeding to her marital home after her prolonged stay with her parents in ***** after her brother’s marriage. She has also fabricated some of her financial transactions to mislead the authorities to believe that her husband has usurped the amount. In fact she has transferred the amount to her husbands account for onward transfer of the same to her mother’s and brother’s bank accounts. These are easily verifiable in their bank statements.

The complaint itself was filed after UK Court established cruelty of my son’s wife & pronounced decree nisi and after my son made an application for decree absolute. The final decree of divorce was to be announced in a few weeks. Even a layman can easily make out from the complaint that it is false and concocted. It has been filed only to harass us and force my son to pay up undeserved monetary compensation. The complaint does not contain any allegations of dowry or any such financial favours, it does not contain accusations regarding any physical harm or injury inflicted on her (which none of us have done!). Yet the Police have registered the FIR under section 498(a) of IPC.

The public prosecutor is representing her case and we are forced to engage a lawyer to defend us from our retirement fund. As per the bail condition we were visiting the police station at ****** once in a fortnight for a few months. Then after a struggle at the High Court of ******, our bail condition was relaxed to mark attendance once in 4 weeks. Nothing has moved since. One can imagine the hardship apart from the humiliation we are facing to visit the police station at ****** as we live in ***** 150 KM away from ********, leaving my 94 years aged father alone at home till we return. We have written and requested the police authorities to speed up the investigation and file a final report. We have assured all our cooperation in speedy disposal. But nothing has moved.

Ours is a live example of how a false complaint can land an honorable and law abiding family in distress. Is this the system in our country? Does our system so blatantly encourage false complaints and harass innocents? As elderly citizens we have spent most of our life serving the nation in our own way, do we deserve this? Do we have to spend all our retirement money at this old age and come to streets because of these false accusations? We were a respectable family and continue to be so. But in the eyes of police and law we are accused number 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5. We are peace loving, law abiding citizens contributing in our own way for the Nation building. Now we have no peace. Our big question is, what is our sin to be treated like this? Is it our sin being the parents to a young man?

We had a lot of hope in our legal system and police. By the passing time, our hopes are dwindling and a cynical attitude is developing in us. Now, I am beginning to feel that all this suffering is only due to my straightforwardness and desire to be ethical. If I had chosen the other route then I would not have suffered this much. This case would have been closed.

We seek justice. We have written 4 letters each to PMO, MHA, City Police Commissioner and other such top officials. May I know, who in the executive machinery will ensure that appropriate, speedy measures are taken? As all of them seem to be indifferent and uncaring to the plight of the innocent elderly people. May I request all who are considerate towards sufferers like us to show some light and help us to lead a normal and respectable life?

I thank you for a patient reading.

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DISCLAIMER: The location and other details have not been disclosed to protect the identity of the victim as it’s a sub judice case. The story above is an email shared by the victim. The blog owner isn’t accountable for veracity of the facts mentioned. However, if you are a media organization who would want to cover the facts of this case, the details of the victim can be provided.  If you wish to share your story, write to us at martyrsofmarriage@gmail.com

ONE 498A that took away THREE lives…..

This is an extremely heart wrenching story. My heart bleeds. I wonder how people so cruel live after three lives on their head…..One has to be a DEMON to be responsible for something like this!

I had a cousin by name Ajay ——, he was no lesser than my own brother. He completed Chartered Accountancy course in 2009 and he was of 26 years that time.. He was also a M.Com graduate and MA in Economics.. He used to give free coaching to 11th and 12th commerce students and he also used to teach B.Com and MBA students while he was still studying CA. after he completed CA, He started private practice and he also kept up his coaching classes… life was perfect for him.. Then the elders came together and decided to look for a perfect girl for him.. But he had already decided whom to marry.. Her name was Anjali —— and she was one of his classmate from where he got his M.Com degree.. At first all the elders were against it because of caste problem but then they agreed for his happiness… Everything went as planned… everything was alright for 3 months.. then she started to show her real demonic form.. she started to quarrel with him for every small things like, wearing a blue shirt, listening to regional folk music, using a certain soap, coaching some children for free at the terrace of the house…

He somehow kept a lid on all of these because his father was a heart patient… one day it struck, his second heart attack and he was somewhat completely paralysed… after this he needed special attention… She started yelling at him saying “I’m not here to look after your sick parents” so he appointed a in house nurse.. she had a problem with that too… he used to earn a good deal of money majority of which was used by her for shopping unnecessary things and stuff like that… He started to fall short of money for his father’s treatment even he used to earn around 1.5 lakhs P M.. he asked her to control her spending so that he wouldn’t have to take loan from outside for his father.. she started a big fight for that also and started to demand that they move out and live separately..

He got angry at that and slapped her… that’s it, his life ended then and tere itself… she screamed like a mad and swore that she would ruin his life and went to her parents’ home… her father is a retired public prosecutor… my brother and all of us thought that she would automatically come back when she realises her mistake… but she didn’t come… police came… without listening to anyone they dragged him, his mother and his wheelchair ridden father like dogs in the middle of night…. you know what happens after that… unfortunately his father died even before they reached police station… his mother’s health deteriorated drastically… and in an interval of just 4 days he lost both his parents… even he committed suicide… now she lives happily… I cut the story short because it’s already long…. all this because of a false allegation of domestic violence and dowry harassment…

~Shared on Facebook by the dead man’s cousin.

NOTE: The domestic violence act in India does not keep reciprocal violence into account. A woman can verbally, physically abuse a man but he is supposed to shut up because he can not file any kind of a case on his wife however one slap can lead to domestic violence charges. The cases take years and your life is in complete jeopardy. There is no penalty for filing a false domestic violence case in India.

PS: If you have a story like this to share, mail me on martyrsofmarriage@gmail.com

RIP #MartyrsOfMarriage. MOM_slide