Month: March 2015

War of Choices – If you have, HE HAS TOO!

My Body | My Mind | My Choice

His Body | His Mind | His Choice | His Money | His Lifestyle | His Habits | HIS LIFE – RESPECT IT!!!

my-choice-padukone-newslaundrySo Deepika Padukone’s #MyChoice video hits internet and takes it by storm. Women start clapping, even though they do not know what is in the video to clap for. Oh come on Deepika (Bhardwaj) – It’s on “Women Empowerment,” Isn’t that enough? Ummmm….Well I am wondering if these women are clapping because 99 privileged women who have actually made all the choices in life are now talking about “choice” or because the video convinces them that they can do whatever they want since they are “women” and it’s their “choice” or because the video takes them away from guilt pangs that if men have done it then we can also do it even though we have cried over the same things for centuries but now let’s reclaim our freedom by doing exactly what they did! After all the real test of EQUALITY is to EMULATE MEN no matter if it is right or wrong!

I am a woman too and what I write after seeing the video is my Choice. And I choose to talk about choices of Men after seeing the #MyChoice video for Women. So here it is…..

  1. If you have choice to wear whatever you want, he has a choice to wear whatever he wants too. Do not call him outdated if he doesn’t give in to your fashion sense. It’s HIS choice. By the way when did you see him wearing slippers to a party or shorts to a conference just because he had a Choice? (Many Night Clubs have restrictions on what Men can wear. DAMN why the hell men don’t cry for their choices. Also never heard any uproar over Nigaar Khan’s comment over shirtless Gautam Gulati in Big Boss)
  2. You have a choice to be size zero or size fifty he has a choice too. Don’t call him baldy if he has a receding hairline. Don’t call him fat ugly old useless man and refuse to take him to dinners because you feel embarrassed. Don’t push him to join Gym/VLCC just because you want him to reduce. It’s HIS Choice.
  3. You have a choice to marry or not to marry. He has a choice to marry the one he wants to and say No if he doesn’t want to. He can marry a wealthy chic because he thinks it would make his life better just the way women marry rich men. He can marry a fair beautiful slim girl just like women want tall good looking guys. He can dump whosoever he wants. It’s HIS Choice. Don’t call him a Sexist. Bride refuses to marry dark groom
  4. If you can lie about yourself, your habits, your education, your job in a marriage, he can lie too. It’s His Choice.
  5. You have a choice to work or not to work. No one should dictate that. Well, he has a choice to earn or not to earn too. He has a choice to go for a job or sit at home too. Do not call him a loser if he doesn’t earn much. Do not call him a couch potato who is good for nothing. It’s HIS Choice.
  6. If you have a choice to have sex before marriage, or outside marriage, or not have sex at all, he has a choice to all that too. Do not file a rape case on him if you had sex before marriage and later he did not marry you. Do not file a dowry and domestic violence and physical and mental cruelty case on him if he has sex outside marriage. Do not call him impotent and cry he ruined your life if he does not have sex at all. Do not get him arrested if he is a Gay and loves men. After all it’s HIS Choice.
  7. If it’s your choice to love temporarily or lust forever, it is his choice too. It is his choice to love you temporarily and move on when he can’t just stand you. It is his choice to love you temporarily and move on when he finds someone better, someone hotter than you. If you can dump whoever you want, he can too. It’s his choice. It can be his choice to lust forever just like you! Don’t call him pervert, desperate. He can have lust. If it is your choice to wear a breast revealing dress, it is his choice to look at it and fantasize. It’s HIS Choice.
  8. If it’s your choice to love a man or a woman or both, it’s his choice too. Do not call him a namard because he loves a man and he could not gather guts to tell you that he loves men. Just like you were not able to tell you are a lesbian and made your choice to hide it, he hid it too and it was his Choice. Do not cry cheating then and get him arrested. Hiding – it’s His Choice.
  9. You are my choice. I am not your privilege. Ahhh well …you are also his choice. He is also not your privilege that he would behave exactly the way you want him to. The way he wants to be is his choice. Stop changing him because he is not your privilege. And if he refuses to change according to you It’s His Choice.
  10. If it’s your choice to come home at 4am or 6pm; it’s his choice too to come whenever he wants. Don’t be upset and presume he is screwing women around while he might be slogging in office just to make sure you can afford a holiday this year at a foreign location. If you can have work, he can have work too and he can choose not to come home because it’s HIS Choice.
  11. it is your choice to have his baby or not. Give him also a choice whether he should have a baby from you or someone else. Also, when you decide to get married to him but have someone else’s baby, do not beg for maintenance for that baby from him after a paternity fraud. To not pay for that baby It’s HIS Choice.
  12. If you have a choice to pick him from 7 billion choices or not he has a choice to pick you or reject you. Do not cry Sexism/Victimhood after he makes his choice. It’s HIS Choice.
  13. Your pleasures (to do whatever you want without caring a zilch about others) is their pain. Just like their pleasures are your pain! You make your choice to have your pleasures. Don’t be in pain when they indulge in their pleasures without caring about your pain. It’s HIS Choice.
  14. Take it with panache when he treats you as a snowflake and not the snowfall. Because how he treats you it’s HIS Choice.
  15. He has his choice. He can choose to empathize or be indifferent to you, your pain, your existence and your “womanhood. It’s HIS Choice.
  16. If he drinks and gets sloshed – don’t call him an alcoholic because it’s HIS Choice. If you are a teetotaller it’s not his mistake.
  17. If he doesn’t drink nor has non vegetarian – don’t mock him of being old fashioned because it’s HIS Choice. If you drink alcohol and he doesn’t it is not his mistake.
  18. If he works out in the gym for two hours while you would want him to be at home to take care of babies, do not call him irresponsible because he can make a choice to baby sit or hit the gym. It’s HIS Choice. At least he is not running away with the gym instructors and then asking half property! Getting cosy With Personal Trainers
  19. If he goes out and chats with other women, do not call him a flirt and other names. It is his choice to interact with anyone who he wants. Talking to whom, at what time, with how many, for how long it’s HIS Choice.
  20. If it’s your choice to call anyone bastard, mother fucker, dick, show them middle fingers, they have the choice to give back the same to you too. Don’t cry Victim then because you are a woman. How he talks to you it’s HIS Choice.
  21. If you slapped a man first, he should slap you back because it’s HIS Choice. How can she slap?
  22. Respect is not earned by Gender, it’s earned by who you are. If he doesn’t respect you for who you are – it’s HIS Choice.
  23. If you have a choice to accept AIB Roast and laugh out loud on the jokes, the journalist also has a choice to publish the story in the way he wants. It’s HIS Choice!!!!

Now, let’s talk about your choices. You talked of his mind being caged. Care to make a choice of removing some shackles from your brains too – that he needs to spend money when you go out, that he needs to save you when you are in trouble, that he needs to defend you when you are losing, that he needs to protect you all the time, that he needs to be the responsible one in the relationship, that he needs to be more conscious about finances and more and more and more?

Your mind is caged when you expect him to bear the brunt of every broken relationship. Your mind is caged when you feel you have a right on his money, his home, his assets and his property only because he chose to marry you. His assets and his own home before marrying you is his property and you never made any contribution to it. It is his choice to sell it or use it the way he wants. Don’t give the crap of choice when what you actually do is – restrain him from disposing those assets in which you contributed nothing because you have a choice of filing a false domestic violence case. Your mind is caged when you think you have done some favour to him by marrying him and thus he needs to be indebted to you for life. Your mind is caged when you sit at home and file for maintenance from him just because you want to teach him a lesson. Your mind is caged when you think he needs to pay you fat alimony because he is the one who has to pay invariably for this broken relationship. Your mind is caged when you expect him to treat your parents as parents while you treat his parents as useless objects in the house. Care to make a choice to discuss your own cages too?

Ms Deepika Padukone if it is your choice to open the bra strap in a video that’s supposed to reach millions of young girls you need to make a better choice to what you want to tell them. Doctors are already worried of rising numbers of teen pregnancy. You cannot preach choice without taking responsibility of those choices. Men do not get pregnant and no matter how it “hurts” the feminists and preachers of women’s rights, it’s a truth that no one can deny. Yes you can remove the baby because it is your choice, but those ipills and abortions would take a toll only on her body and no one else’s. Sex Education is not something that’s taught as a #MyChoice video that makes them disillusioned about the choices and freedom. I am the last person on this earth who does not want freedom for women. I am as free as all the men in my family. They are as free as the family desires. We aren’t animals where all that is to the species is having sex with whomever and whenever and then create and then forget. We are human beings and our choices cannot be summed up in a 2 minute video. Because life is lived off Youtube and every choice has an action or reaction to it!!!

To all the women out there who are so fed up with men around them and the expectations they have of you (as if you do not expect anything at all from the men in your life) –

Create a separate world – only of women. Be lesbians.

Borrow sperm and create your own babies. If it is a baby boy – kill them because you would anyways bring them up like a woman and he would be confused for the rest of life on how nature makes him think and do a certain way but you would want him to be a certain way. And – if you did not kill male foetus how anyways you would you be able to take the ultimate revenge on patriarchy anyways!

If this sounds too difficult I suggest you do something else – DO NOT MARRY. Declare it to the universe today. That you would not marry and ever feel someone is guiding your ways, habits, life. Easiest you know! Tell your parents the world now has no man that fits your bill. Marriage is name of adjustment for both the people in it and if you do not wish to make any adjustments then just do not get into it!!! A man who does not have any of his choices but need to respect all the choices you make.

Doing everything that a man does and exactly the way a man does isn’t CHOICE. It’s APING. It’s competition in the name of Equality. And asking women to take the path that “you” justify as the way to freedom is taking away “choice” of a woman who feels proud in looking after her family

And – while you all indulge in a fit of male bashing for the alleged “restrictions” patriarchy or society make, let me share my personal experience with you. In my entire life I have seen more women putting restrictions on a woman’s freedom than a man. I have seen numerous fathers who have brought up their daughters just as equal as their sons and in several cases including my own, have given more freedom to their daughters than their sons. In my whole life I have seen women commenting and ridiculing women more than men. Examples replete where woman of the home got her own daughter killed in name of “honour” or was an absolutely equal party to the decision of throwing her out of the family. I have seen numerous examples where women of the home have been the biggest block in accepting the choice of her daughter than men. I have seen several fathers who have indeed gone against their own wives to let their daughters do what they want!

The most visible example – I have seen men being sandwiched between their wives and mothers as these women can just not be human with each other. Examples a plenty where daughter in law could just not stand mother in law and divided the family, forcing man to leave his parents, his family, friends and circles and he would have to choose between being a henpecked husband or a caring son. I don’t see women fighting for rights of women who are mothers in law or sisters in law ill treated by their son’s or brother’s wife.

Darlings – get your own community to respect your choices first and then target the other gender.

I am a 29 year old female. I have made a choice that I would get married when I want. There are pressures on me to get married, but I have held my grounds and I know I would marry only when I want. Easy? Ofcourse not. But I don’t go around blaming society for that. They have seen women of my age married with kids. They have their own thoughts and their own opinions. Stop blaming the society for its opinions. You don’t wish to abide by the rules – don’t but don’t beg for acceptance and put them down if your choice is not their CHOICE.

To end it – Deepika Padukone says “When you are not caged, when you don’t succumb to expectation – that’s when you are empowered!”

Girls – more than being caged by others – you are caged by your own self. Because you think being “slim” is the thing to “be” and go in depression if you are fat. Because you think being “sexy and hot” is when you would be accepted in the “circle” and if not you are not. You are caged by what to wear because if you did not wear that label or brand you would quite not fit into the circle. You succumb to your own expectations more than that of others. You succumb to your own expectation of having a husband that needs to act and behave the way you want all the time. You feel disempowered when he does not do so. You feel disempowered when people do not succumb to your expectations. You feel disempowered when the world doesn’t accept whatever you want to do in the name of a “woman.” It doesn’t do so for a man too. It’s just that you have a notion that ALL MEN HAVE IT TOO EASY!

CHOICE – comes with a lot of responsibility. Do not confuse choice with DISORDER!!!

 Here’s a glimpse of demands of Women With Choice….20 Crore “Only” after barely an year of marriage under Domestic Violence Act…..20 crore alimony

Disclaimer: I do not agree with a lot of things I have mentioned as “his choices” and support them at all but when it has all come down to #MyChoice then well….after all it’s a choice. You might get offended with #MyChoice so did I got disturbed with your #MyChoice.

Image Source: NewsLaundry

Pyaar Ka Punchnaama in Real!!!

Remember that character in film “pyaar ka punchnama” where this chick used this boy emotionally financially and then humiliated him in front of her boyfriend? Here’s a story from reel to real. I feel sick reading how selfish some (probably most leaving some exceptions) young women are. No numbers to this boy too because being stupid is only your fault and you can not blame the other person when you are yourself happy being used, exploited, drained. I wud in fact say this man is lucky as she left him only financially drained. She could completely ruin him by filing a rape case. Glad she dint. …but read on how a young smart girl exploits an unsuspecting boy financially ….only to dump him later after juicing him out monetarily…. leaving him emotionally scarred for life …..

*************************************

Hi Deepika,

I’m 26 and not yet married. I’m almost certain not to marry mostly due to some incidents of my life, one of which I would like to share.

Although my incident pales in comparison to the trauma and anguish that many men have faced, but it did open my eyes altogether. I’ll try to be as brief as possible.

I’ve been working right out of college i.e. from 2010 and in July 2012 had started pursuing my M-Tech in evening program (3 year course). To save traveling time, I worked from home on most days and would come to office once or twice in a week.

In mid-August 2012, a girl Rekha (name changed) had joined in Administration department. We started talking on Google chat first and by December we were talking on phone for hours together. We had become very good friends (She of-course had a boyfriend to whom she is married now and I had no intention of coming in their way). We used to hang out together after work on the days I came to office. I used to help her in her official work also.

Around May 2013 she asked me for financial help (to pay for college fees of her sister; her boyfriend had started his own company and was already under financial duress) and I immediately gave the money which I had saved up for paying my college fees. By August 2013, she had changed company and I was able to talk only on phone.

She was also pressurizing her boyfriend to get married and the marriage was decided to be held in December 2013. She again asked for financial help in October and November 2013 and this time the amount was quite high. I managed to arrange it by taking up debts from my friends (Fortunately I have a few good friends).

Then after taking all the money she calls up and says that after marriage she would not be able to talk much on phone, which is understandable. And I say that I would not call her or disturb her and told her that I would be really happy if she could call me once in two weeks whenever she had some time.

But soon things start changing after marriage. She now only messaged (messages were only about her life) and sent some of her official work to me and expected me to be at her service instantly. A slight delay of 15 minutes in responding and she would start calling and messaging multiple times asking about my whereabouts.

The only time she calls me is now apart from any work that needs to be done is when she needs more money in March 2014. (Though she returned this money!!).

But by now I’m already starting to feel frustrated at this friendship which is only about her life, her work and my money (she doesn’t even know the name of the M-Tech course that I’m pursuing). And by June 2014, I chose to end 2 years of intense friendship.

Fortunately she left me alone in peace.

But after reading through the articles I’m starting to wonder if the above had happened in a marriage, and the girl chosen to use 498A, would there have been any peace for me?

And above all I’m seeing this among my friends who are borrowing money just to get married and throw a massive marriage party!

I’ve become sick of it. What makes me even more sick is that there is no peace for men even after marriage all thanks to 498A. Its about time to head for Mars I guess!!

Regards
Kumar

Disclaimer: Excerpts from email sent by a young boy. Names protected on request. If you wish to share your story, write to martyrsofmarriage@gmail.com

Some Sanity: Educated woman can’t claim Maintenance for Life.

IN THE COURT OF MS. ANURADHA SHUKLA BHARDWAJ
ASJ­02 (EAST) KARKARDOOMA COURTS, DELHI
CA No. 37/2014
Smt. Swati  Kaushik W/o Sh. Ashwini Sharma R/o C­501, Nagarjuna Aparments, Mayurkunj, Near Chilla Regulator Delhi­110096
Versus Sh. Ashwini Sharma S/o Sh. C. Paul Sharma R/o B­37, Cel Apartments, Plot No. B­14, Vasundhra Enclave New Delhi­110096
ORDER

    ………….Appellant
         ………… Respondent
1.By this order I shall   dispose of the appeal u/s 29 D.V. 
Act whereby  appellant challenged the order dated 22/09/14. 
2.    The marriage between the parties is admitted and so is the birth of child.  The parties has  leveled allegations and counter 
allegations. The parties filed   respective affidavits of income and 
assest before the trial court. After considering the prima facie case 
Ld. Trial Court held that the appellant/ wife was working with Tata 
Sky Ltd. She had a Master Diploma and she could maintain herself. 
The   minor   child,   however,   was   granted   a   maintenance   of   Rs. 
15,000/­ from the date of petition.  Respondent was also granted Rs. 
10,000/­   in   lieu   of   expenses   for   residence.   The   income   of   the 
respondent was considered as Rs. 65,000 to Rs. 75,000 per month. 
The order has been challenged interalia on the ground that the 
appellant is an unemployed lady and has to take care of her minor 
child.  The respondent  and  his family members   had assets and 
had huge income. Appellant is living with her father and is dependent 
on him. The expenditure of respondent as per affidavit is much more 
than   his   income   which   shows   that   he   earns   more.     He   lives 
luxurious life,  maintains  driver,  servant etc. The respondent has 
also challenged the order  vide separate appeal  stating that the 
appellant can maintain herself.  It was argued by the Ld. Counsel for 
the appellant that she  is living with the  minor child separately from 
the respondent, however, the respondent has not paid   a   single 
penny for the maintenance of minor child despite the filing of the petition under DV Act in September 2011.   It was  argued that the 
though   the   appellant   was   working   earlier,     now   she   has   the 
responsibility of the minor child.  The appellant cannot move out of 
her house to take up a  job leaving the minor child behind.    It was 
argued that the respondent to avoid his liability has taken personal 
loans   and   education   loan.   As   per   the   records   the   income   of 
respondent is about 2 lacs per months and the wife and child are 
entitled for 60 % of the income.  
3.   Ld.   Counsel   for   the   respondent   on   the   other   hand 
argued that  the respondent had to quit his job due to litigation.  He 
wanted to keep appellant with him but she filed the Divorce.   He 
argued that the child is of 5 years old now and   if the appellant 
chooses not to work for the rest of her life, the respondent cannot be 
made to pay for her for the rest of her life despite the fact that she is 
educated woman who can maintain herself. 
4.   Ld. Counsel for the appellant relied upon the judgment 
of Hon’ble Delhi High Court in 140 (2007) DLT 16,  Bharat Hegde 
Vs. Saroj Hegde where it was held that the applicant ( wife) had 
a   right   to   live   in   a   similar   life   style   as   she   enjoyed   in 
matrimonial home.   He has also relied upon some more judgment 
which lay down more or less similar rule, the judgment being of the 
period of 2005 to 2009. The  law has changed since then, by the 
judgment in In 171 (2010) DLT 644, Sanjay Bhardwaj & Ors. Vs. 
State  wherein the Hon’ble High Court held that where the parties 
have   equal   educational   qualification,   both   must   take   care   of 
themselves.    
5.   Similar judgments  have been delivered by the Hon’ble 
High Court over the period. The appellant is contesting that her 
husband earns a lot of money and she is entitled for a share in it. 
She herself cannot work because she has to take care of the minor 
child.    The child would be 5 years  plus as of now and as argued by 
the Ld. Counsel for the respondent, the  appellant will have to take 
up some work   sooner or later, she being an educated woman 
having   earlier   work   experience.   So   far   as   the   minor   child   is 
concerned the respondent cannot run away from  the liability towards 
child even if the appellant  who is the mother of the child,  is working 
and is  independent. 
6.   Ld. Counsel for the appellant argued that the respondent 
of the appellant.  Rest of the order remains unaltered.  The order is 
modified in above terms. 
7.    TCR be sent back along with copy of this order.  Appeal 
file be consigned to Record Room. 
Announced in the open 
court on  12/03/2015     (ANURADHA SHUKLA BHARDWAJ)             ASJ­02, (EAST) KKD COURTS/DELHI
earns much more than is reflected from its affidavits.  The admitted 
income of the respondent as of now is Rs. 75,000/­. His actual 
income is a matter of trial.  If the appellant proves that he is earning 
more,   she would be entitled for enhanced maintenance payable 
from back date.  At prima facie stage, respondent having admitted 
that he earns Rs. 75,000/­,   it shall be  taken as his income. The 
order in so far  as   it relates to  the maintenance granted to the child 
at Rs. 15000/­ is without any error.   There is no error in the relief of 
residence granted to the wife as Rs. 10,000/­ per month as well. 
Since the wife has pleaded that she had  to leave her job due to 
marriage and birth of child, and as of now she is unemployed,  the 
respondent has a liability to provide   for her maintenance.   This 
maintenance however, cannot be perpetual as argued by the Ld. 
Counsel for the respondent.  The take away salary of Rs. 75,000/­ 
has been admitted by the respondent. He is already paying Rs. 
10,000/­   towards   residence   to   the   appellant.   He   shall   pay   an 
additional amount of Rs. 10,000/­ per month to   the wife.   This 
maintenance however, shall be for restricted period i.e. for one  year 
from the date of this order. The appellant shall during this period of 
one year look for a job and start an independent life. After the 
conclusion of  one year ,  respondent shall not pay the maintenance 
Crl. (A) No. 37/2014 Page 5 of 6 Swati Kaushik Vs. Ashwani Sharma

Are you Marrying a Pshycho? Marriage, Deception & Lies

If you are about to get married and girls parents are pushing things really really fast, BE ALERT!!! The story below is the most common drama that happens whenever there is a problem with the girl or her past or present. Pressurizing for a quick marriage for xyz reasons. Most common issues – had a boyfriend, parents disapproved so marry her wherever fast | history of psychatric disorders where minimum interaction happens in courtship period ( boys like fools think they are getting a chuimui girl who is very shy) | she is pregnant and they need to cover it up by marrying her asap | her boyfriend is a goon and won’t let her get married  (usually they insist on every damn ritual in another city in that case)

See i am not asking you to be scared of marriage. But if you GET THE SIGNS, don’t ignore them! Read on…..mail by a young martyr of marriage

****************************************

I had an arranged marriage with an educated girl ( a software engineer)who pretended to be normal in every manner. I met the girl in …… 2012 and her family persuaded me to get married as soon as possible stating that the girls younger sister also had to be married after the elder girls wedding. Due to this the marriage date was fixed just three months after. In the 3 months prior to our marriage the girl kept her interactions with me to a minimum. She always avoided meeting me giving several excuses that she was busy with office work.

I did not suspect anything and trusted the girl and her family completely. This was  my biggest mistake.

I even planned a week long honeymoon trip after the marriage.

As soon as the marriage ceremony was completed my wife started showing her true colours and behaved in a very abnormal manner. She completely stopped interacting with me. She told me categorically that she was not interested in marital life and having any physical contact. She said that I must not even hold her hand!

This came as an absolute shock to me and my parents. When we discussed the matter with her parents they responded without any surprise and said that we must take her to a marriage counsellor or psychiatrist and get the matter sorted and that it was not their problem.

These remarks and attitude of the girls parents set alarm bells ringing. We realised that the girl had pre existing psychiatric problems and this was known to the family. they had deliberately suppressed the information in order to get her married off.

Nevertheless we consulted a well known marriage counsellor in ***&****. I was trying to stay positive and hoping the it would be a minor problem.

Unfortunately we found out that the problem is deep rooted and that such problems do not get solved. (The counsellor who is a highly qualified and experienced professional informed us that she has seen many such cases and that such girls are either asexual or schizophrenic and are not interested in marital life).

We also got further independent opinions from 2 other psychiatrists who gave us the same feedback.

This prompted us to take legal advice. Our lawyer told us immediately file for divorce. In the meanwhile my wife decided to leave the house and stay with her sister.

We sent a legal notice asking for a mutual divorce.

Her family has refused to give a divorce and are contesting the case in court. My wife has made several false accusations in her petition that I am a drunkard and a wife beater and that I was misbehaving with her. The case is still going on. My wife (he’s still calling her his wife!!!!) is using this case a blackmail tool to extort a huge sum of money from me.

Our courts are overburdened with cases and the prosess is very slow. I am sufferring daily and am always depressed. My family is humiliated and hurt.

The only good thing is that my wife in unable to misuse section 498A as we have taken necessary steps as per legal advise.

I completely empathise with other victims. This is a social evil that needs to be addressed immediately. If we do not take steps to make laws gender neutral, people will lose faith in the institution of marriage.

I do respect and support women. However this trend of misuse of laws is scary and should be curtailed ASAP.

I was speaking to a German friend of mine and she says that Germany had biased laws 3 or 4 decades ago. This led to lot of mistrust and eventual breakdown of the institution of marriage.Youngsters opted to have casual sexual relationships and not commit to marriage. however the German society recognised this and today, laws in Germany are gender neutral. They are now promoting the concept of marriage and family.

We need to learn from Germany’s experience and not repeat the mistakes.

Indian women need to understand that when they get married they are committing to certian obligations. These obligations must be met. (This goes for the men as well)

Disclaimer : Identity protected on request.

A man can DIE but not DIVORCE

After my TEDx Talk I have been flooded with mails by victims of false dowry cases, rape cases, relationships gone bad and much more…..Here’s story of a young software engineer whose career, life, his father’s job are all at stake because he does not want to live with a woman who has caused so much misery to him and his entire family. Identity kept confidential to avoid any repercussion.

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Hi Mam,

I  came across through your articles, videos about misuse of 498a on social media & decided to write about my case to you. My name is ****** , age 23yrs. I am from *****, Rajasthan. I am a software engineer.

I & my wife stayed together in ****** for only 16 days after marriage. One day we had some argument because she locked my younger sister & went out for 3-4 hours while I was in office. Next day she called her brother & returned to her home.I tried to communicate her but she changed her mobile number. My parents tried to talk to them but they put some illegitimate conditions ahead of us , main of them are-

1. Fixed deposit of 5 lakh in favor of my wife.
2. I should work only in her hometown or her parental house not at the city we were living in etc etc
I was unable to fulfill their demands because all money we had was spent in marriage & there is no good IT company in *******. I filed Section 9 to bring her back but she lodged complain in Women Commission. Police called us for talk in evening, we requested them to do it i morning but girl’s father refused.When I entered police station Circle Inspector threatened me to satisfy her demands & said nobody will be able to save you. But I refused. Then her father, brother started shouting & police arrested me & my father in Crpc 151 for breach of peace & advised my wife to file the case.
After they filed the case they tried best thing to get me , mainly to my father , a Govt employee to be arrested, as it would result in his suspension. So we left our home & started hiding. Meanwhile I was terminated by my company as I was absent. Lawyers were on strike so my brother in person applied for Anticipatory bail of my parents & we got it. After it they were very depressed as they wanted to send my father jail. Now my wife started saying in the court that she wanted to go back to her husband.
On hearing of my Anticipatory bail Judge tried to pressurize me to keep her with me but I refused. He  became & angry & rejected my Anticipatory bail on ground of my refusal & attitude.
Now everywhere she is saying to come back so I agreed to take her from her home in hearing of 482. When I reached her home. Nobody even asked me to get in their house. Feeling insulted I returned. Next day in High Court  she came in saree with bag & said  she was  ready to go directly from court with me.When I started telling about what happened when I visited her house to take her.  Judge asked me if you want to keep her take her now ” As obvious I refused because it was a drama by her only before the court.
Now everyone is accusing me why I’m not ready to take her back.Nobody listens whatever reasons I give.
I have written a letter to President & chief Justice of India about impact of the grounds of my bail rejection which was My refusal to take her back.
But nobody has replied to me. Now taking example from my case everyone in Rajasthan has accepted that if you refuse to take her back before the cout they would reject your Anticipatory bail application.
Thanks for reading my email And sorry if I wasted your precious time.
**********************
My two cents: Women rights activists say that a woman’s life is more important than the marriage. Her right to divorce paramount and that too with a compensation because it is not easy for a girl in India to get married. I have a Question – then why is it forced upon a man to continue living with his wife even if she is abusive and ill treat his parents and file cases on drop of a hat? what exactly would you call this demand of deposit of 5 lacs as a condition for her to return? Is this not dowry? Why can a man not take divorce in India without having to face 498A , domestic violence act, 125 and many more cases or he continues to be with a person who he does not want to be with ? Is it a cake walk for a family to get their son married again? We live in a highly misandrous society where the blame of a failed marriage is always put on the man. No matter how wrong the woman is, it is she who gets all the sympathy. Moreover, a man who has gone through so much just because of a non workable marriage, he thinks hundred times before marrying again. In this case a boy barely 23 years of age.
Sadly, parents of girls today are so angry for reasons best known to them that they think that the husband and his family are their slaves who they need to manipulate as per their whims and fancies.
If this continues, no sensible young man would marry in this country. We are surely headed for worse times for Indian Women. Cases will only sour and their conditions worse as they expose themselves to a world that leads to justice to apparently no one but the powerful!!
Disclaimer: This is an email sent by the victim. There is no reason for me not to believe this man’s words. This is not one of case but this is happening all across where parents of the girl keep conditions on slightest disagreements. Marriage is a relationship that both partners maintain by mutual trust and understanding and not one putting conditions on the other and making the other a slave. If you wish to share your story with us, write to martyrsofmarriage@gmail.com

SHE REFUSED MARRIAGE AT LAST MOMENT……..CAN I FILE RAPE?

Can a Man file a rape case on a woman after she refuses to marry the boy after exploiting him emotionally, financially and YES physically?

Today, women are filing rape cases on their boyfriends if they refuse marriage. Mind it, this case can be filed even if you never got physical with each other as she doesn’t really need to give any evidence. Every kind of story is available with the lawyer next door. All that she needs to say is you raped her and then you have to decide whether you go through a false case or give in to her demands!

Here’s a MAIL a MAN sent me:

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Hello Deepika,

First of all a very bold move all together.

I am writing this mail since this needs to be heard.

This is not an incident in general or something that has happened in a day. I had been in five years of relation. I was engaged to her. There were some misunderstandings every couple has. All was sorted.

Now four days before marriage, i and my family were summoned at her place and were literally abused. My family out of love towards me took all of it. Mind me we are quite influential family. So invitations are gone guests started coming in, a call comes and the marriage is called off. When reason was sought, she didnt know what the reason was. Just plain and simple, she doesn’t want to get married.

Well that was the first part. Now comes in the real part. News spread like fire, everyone started consoling and the blame game began. There wasn’t a soul who asked how i was feeling. It takes a long time to get out of a long term heart felt relation. This is problem with us men.

We are perceived to be strong willed and strong, but never considered to be emotional. It is a very rare event that men come out and speak. Men are quite, we are biologically built to withstand abuse. But the thing is we are taken for granted. That is exactly where problem is. We don’ t need laws or a special treatment, all we need is smile and ears to be heard. If this is encouraged we can go through anything.

Yes, there bunch of men who are nothing less to savage, i know them personally. Trust me they are now being left out in a big way. The level of respect is off the charts towards women these days. A lewd comment or a lewd action doesn’t go unpunished by the mob. Probably these will never come in to light. Strange but true.

How would anyone feel if they are constantly judged? Its worst then getting stared at. Every where I go may it be office may it be my own damn house i am always judge. My maid judges me. Seriously. She never comes to do her chores when i am alone in house. Girls literally walk off mid food when i walk in to macdonalds. This is not my story, this is a very rampant phenomenon these days.

This has caused a very serious retribution even for females. Good companies are now shying away to hire females. Specially the attractive ones. The HR doesn’t want more settlements or lawsuits. It is either an all male co. or all female co.

Now lets talk about sex. The one survey which no one will dare to do is usage of sex in return of hike, project, business and promotion. Boss and secretary fantasy do have origins. There is an alarmingly high rate of females using sex as tool to get what they want. They do this outside marriage. Things go out of control when the boss is a lady. She literally uses her body to get things done. Just no words to express what goes through mens mind when they find out that they are used.

All I want to tell is we are taught to respect and love females. We are very happy to do that, all we need is a neutral ear. Nothing more nothing less.

Oh yeah, since you have an excellent platform to go masse, have a look at last episode of satyamev jayate’s last season. Even my female friends found it bit too inclined towards females. Do share your thought on it.

If you want you can use this anywhere,please make sure I am not mentioned anywhere. Let it be an idea and not an individual.

Once again thank you for an awesome episode,

A strong-robust-emotional man.

She used to beat him with Iron Rods…He was a little Boy!

Ankur narrates his extremely painful story of abuse by a woman since he was a young boy to today when he is a grown up Man. These stories are everywhere. No one brings them out.

=========================

Hi 

I am Ankur . I live in Lucknow , Uttar Pradesh . My Father is a Government Employee in Indian Railways. 

I saw your profile at Facebook and found i can share my life and my fathers life with you . If someday you will succeed , it can give a new life to my father . 

This is not part of my problem .

I was 4 year old and this has nothing to do with my fathers and my life . I was Just 4 year old when my Real mother divorced my father . This was mutual understanding between two families ( My Real mother has mental sickness ) . The understanding of both families was ( If both stay together , this can harm my life and it is better if they take divorce and my mother will be taken care by their family . My father provided 5-6 lakh rupees for her treatment too though he his aware of the fact the she can not be cured . After all this i was sent to a local boarding school in Lucknow ( Bal Vidya Mandir )  Till class 3rd . My grand mother was alive and she felt she can take care of me and asked my father to bring me back . My father decided to bring me back from boarding School . After 3rd standard and instead of giving my responsibility to my Grand mother , he decided he should re marry a woman ( I sometimes suspect she is a woman ) who will take care of me .

My Second Mother

I was in 4th Standard 

My Father married ***** Aggarwal (She was running a beauty parlor ) and she promised before marriage that she will take care of me and my father. On the very first day , after marriage , she said to my father , Either get me a New home or remove your child from my life . My father tried to convince that he will soon get a new home for her where she will not panic because of small house . He unfortunately never understood the evil hidden in her brain . Since my father was railways Train Guard , he used to go for 2-3 days and comes back after his duty . 

She used to ask me to wash clothes  , cook food , massage her feet and when she found i was not optimum to my work , she used to beat me and she did all nonsense she could do that i can not explain in words She banged an iron Rod on my Head ( I still have a deep scar till date ) She used to throw hot boiling water on my face . She used to ask me to eat rotten food left by her and i dont want to remember the rest of ills she did while writing her brutal behaviour .

When my father used to come back home , she used to make him busy such that he can hardly interact with me . Her fear for a Boy in 4th standard was sufficient to make me keep this brutal behavior a secret from my father.

After 1 year , My Neighbours and nearby people realised that there is something wrong with me and they planned a meeting and complained to my grand mother . All of them decided to take me away and they did the same

Now i was safe. My father was not

She asked my father to leave me and take him away to some other place and he did the same fearing that if he go to police or court , he will be Blamed because she is a Woman . My father invested all his money to afford a flat in Lucknow and i started living with my grand mother for 1 year . Later my father decided to send me to a Good Boarding School . He sent me to mussorie , Uttrakhand . 

There was 60 day vacation period and my father again tried to convince my step mother if he can only keep his son i.e me  for 60 days out of 365 days of a year . His thought – with time every thing will get alright between me and her. She never changed . She again started to do same brutal behavior with me . I was young enough in class 8th to complain my dad and i did the same . I used to write letters to my dad and complained him about every thing she did to me .

This continued for 5 years and till then my step mother took off as much money as can from my fathers salary . I never knew how happy my father was with my step mother and i had no idea till i reached 11th standard . I decided to go to Bokaro ( Jharkhand ) to prepare for engineering exam and join a good school . After 10 days of death of my Grand mother , my father called me and said since you had examinations i told you about the incidence late . I was broken from within . Now i had only my father in my life . Same year after 1 month i got to know that my step mother asked for money from my father which he did not had and my mother went to kitchen and took Knife and tried to kill my father . 

My father locked himself in a room and used 3 bed sheets to jump from a balcony and ran away from house . 
He filed a complaint in police station and on same day step mother also filed a complaint against him for dowry ( they married in Arya Samaj mandir where dowry is prohibited ) 

In panic i took train from jharkhand without completing my 11th standard and came back to lucknow . My father got me admited in a local shool of barabanki ( 32 KM from lucknow ) as he was aware of the fact that if Gundas appointed my her found me , they will try to kill me as well . She appointed Gundas to kill my father and because of good friends of my father he was never hurt . 

The case was taken to family court 
After providing all proofs , evidences and every thing , court ordered Rs 8000 monthly to be paid by my father to my Step mother . ( Interim Relief ) ( I hate this word ) 

If court could have asked my father to give 20000 Rs from his salery to donate to an orphan , i could have been more happier for such thing but a women who did all against me and my father .

Interim Relief is required to be provided to only those women who are not doing a Job. She is running a Beauty parlour . Earning sufficient amount of money . In spite of this she is rewarded for doing all odds .

Court asked us to present proofs that she has a beauty parlour , A lady helped us to create a Video Recording and we even have video proofs for this . Now i am 23 year old , Graduated in an engineering college and sill the case is always in her favour . The lady is even living in flat purchased by my father years back . She is getting money and finds time to come in court , cry and take a judgement in favour of us as a reward . 

My father is now 55 year old and dont know how long this will continue . I am not asking you to help me to fight my case . I am asking you to take this to public .

Women are not always right 

My Grand mother was a woman 
You are a woman 
Is my step mother the only Woman ?
I Ask people and Courts is she a woman ?

With Regards:

Ankur

Disclaimer: This post is a reproduction of mail sent by the victim. It in no sense intends to defame anyone but present how a young boy has been traumatized all his life by a woman. If you wish to share your story write to martyrsofmarriage@gmail.com